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April 20th my mom had a seizure, we called 911 and she was rushed to the emergency room, we found out she has lung cancer metastasis to the brain. The neurosurgeon removed the tumor in the brain with no complications. The tumor in her lung is a very small one and was almost missed but they found it (less than a mm) radiation is a few days away. Now that you know that much she was told by the doctors she was one of the lucky ones and she would be fine two weeks no driving then activity as normal. So why is she acting as if she is an invalid? She won't get out of bed moans and groans all day and relentlessly complains about everything! I have had to do everything for her she won't drive, or do anything and i mean ANYTHING! I took her back to the doctor because I thought something had to be wrong! The doctor said nope, other than the obvious she is in great health! BP the lowest its been in years and all her scans show progress. So what is her deal? She was an alcoholic up until this happened and now she can't drink alcohol. I have cared for her my entire life! I do it for love as she has already given my sister all her money, her life insurance and everything! So I am supporting financially and in every way imaginable and I have just reached my limit! Why is she acting like she is so bad off when the doctors all say she is fine? Even the tumor in her lung is shrinking on its own! Yet she seems to be just waiting for the worms for lack of a better term. How do I explain to her she needs to get up and do something! I have an 11 year old autistic daughter and a husband. Not to mention a job! But she thinks all that should come secondary to her! What do I do?

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Brain surgery is no walk in the park, no matter how successful they were at removing the tumour. On top of that she learned she has a cancer that had metastasized, which is scary as all get out! Expecting her to pick up where she left off after less than a month is totally unrealistic.
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Could part of this be alcohol withdrawal? Was she drinking right up to the diagnosis?

I am very sympathetic to your mom. The first thing I would suggest is to banish the word lazy from your vocabulary, at least as it related to your mom. Try some terms like unmotivated, depressed, lacking in energy, etc.

I also feel great sympathy for you. Your mother absolutely cannot be your whole life. Not only is that not fair to you, it would be extremely damaging to your daughter and your husband. For whatever reason your mother needs lots of attention and help right now. There are people who provide that kind of help for a living. There are people in AA who would be supportive if she is experiencing withdrawal.

Limit your own contribution to meeting her needs, but try to see that they are being met by others. Talk to a social worker at the hospital where her surgery took place to learn what resources might be available at this time.

And don't you dare feel guilty about having a life beyond meeting Mom's needs!
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Brandon, you don't say how old your mom is, but regardless, I would talk to her oncologist and get a referral to a psychiatrist who specializes in cancer patients.

Cancer has certain side effects on various folks. It may be that mom needs medication to treat cancer related depression and anxiety.
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Brandik, cancer isn't a walk in the park, I know from personal experience. First the emotional trauma of being told you have cancer. Then the surgery which is exhausting in itself. Then the radiation treatments or chemo or pill therapy. This whole ordeal takes your breath away. It scares you to death.

My cancer was 7 years ago, and I never regained the strength I had prior to the cancer. It comes with the territory. And here your Mom was just one month plus a few days from her surgery, and you are wondering why she is lazy. Seriously???

Don't forget she is a couple of decades older then you, going through her own age related declines.  We don't bounce back quickly compared to people who have a similar cancer surgery who are decades younger.

Plus one is always looking over their shoulder to see if cancer is trying to chase them down, once again.

And I am questioning why a doctor would tell a patient who had such serious operation to remove a brain tumor that they could drive two weeks later. That makes no sense at all. Maybe two months, not two weeks.

Remember, she still has a cancer tumor in her body.
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