Follow
Share

My mom goes ballistic at the thought of leaving her home and gets completely hysterical. She refuses to believe anything is wrong with her. I don't know if her brain isn't processing anything or if she's in complete denial. I have made arrangements with a local caregiver to get her moved after the holidays and have POA. How do I get her to move physically when the day comes? She will be literally kicking and screaming. Do I call 911 if she goes hysterical? I know I'm doing what needs to be done but I want this transition to be ad smooth and lain free as possible for all involved. Mom has always been difficult and hard to manage and fights me with everything. Even taking over her bills was traumatic for her.

I'm on lorazepam for my nerves and I feel awful doing this but I'm an only child with no help and I'm trying to keep her out of a nursing home. This is the best solution but she'll never go willingly. How do I do this without forcing her into the car? I have nightmares about it.

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Find Care & Housing
I'm getting dizzy, everyone is telling me something different. My mother can't make decisions for herself!!! She NEEDS care!!! If I do nothing I'm negligent and if I force her into a nursing home, I will be prosecuted doing the right thing. This makes absolutely NO SENSE to me. I'm only trying to do the right thing here. I have the legal right to make health decisions for her because she CAN'T.
That's the point of of a POA otherwise why have it?
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Section 3504 Vermont laws (b) No power of attorney created under this subchapter may give an agent the authority to:
(1) make health care decisions, as that term is defined in chapter 121 of this title;
So if you force her into a nursing home, your POA will be revoked and you may find yourself in court facing a prosecutor. Go back to the lawyer and explain your plans.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

I feel for you. It is a very tough situation to be in. We had it easy as my FIL's house was condemned, so he legally could not live there anymore. He insisted my husband drive him back to his house to "pick up a few things". My husband knew he would not voluntarily leave. He was very much like your mom. What we did is have my husband's sister call the local police to meet us at the house to make him understand that he would not be allowed to stay. They often will not listen to their adult children, but may listen to an authority figure. Could you try having someone from adult protective services, or an experienced elder care person there to handle the move? She may not go kicking and screaming if a person she considers an authority figure who knows how to speak to her can tell her she cannot stay there alone anymore. Just a thought. I do wish you the best. This is very tough on you.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

I really don't want to waste time in the court system, it could take months. Mom progressed from occasional memory loss to mod stage Alzheimer's in 6 months time. God knows where she'll be at in another 6 months. She doesn't believe she has Alzheimer's or that anything is wrong with her, so she is unable to make decisions for herself. How can a person who can't remember if she ate or not make choices for herself? She can't. My lawyer who drew up my POA says I don't need to go to court, that it's a duplication of the POA.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Unless she is declared incompetent or a danger to herself or others that POA cannot be enforced in your situation unless she agrees. You cannot force a senior from their home without court intervention. State laws give seniors a lot of rights about their choices. Long ago unscrupulous family members could warehouse their elderly parents into institutional settings against their will very easily. Laws were enacted to stop forcing people to be institutionalized against their will, unfortunately nothing was considered when a person was not competent enough to make good choices. I assume you wish to get her into an assisted living arrangement or a elderly group home. A POA is a powerful document to have, but it is only good when she is unable/cannot make decisions for herself. It does not give you automatic a right to make choices for her without due process of the law in regard to her rights. I know you are trying to due right for her, but it comes down to her being declared incompetent or agreeing to what you think is best for her. Good luck. I see the same delimma in my future with my mother.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

Be reassured that you are doing the right thing for her, but, she will come to accept it once she is moved. It is going through it, that is terrible. If it will help, see about talking to a social worker, tell her about your mother and your nerves, and maybe she can help you sort through all this. A social worker helped me out alot! I became a caregiver for my spouse, didn't know if my decisions were the right ones, and she helped me to put my nerves and fears in the right place.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.