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My mom had a complete knee replacement on 6/17/2014 she has been home since 6/23/2014. She will not do her PT exercises she will not do simple things like get herself a glass of water. She constantly complains that no one helps her as an example she says I haven't had anything to eat since breakfast which I made for her. She only notices the thing that she thinks should have been done. I have Lupus and I am doing everything I can for her but it seems it's never enough. She lies to her doctors and tells them she is doing her PT and is doing more for herself. I am trying to stop doing the things for her that I know she can do for herself this either enrages her or she will sit and cry that no one wants to help her. I have two sisters that also live at home and they refuse to help at all. They take off during the day and go to movies and out to lunch and shopping and I am left to deal with this myself. If someone has some advice I would love some input. I love my mom very much and want her to get better but unless I can find a way to motivate her to help herself I don't know what else to do!

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Rocknrobin has the right ideas. Let her rage and cry those are her only weapons. A knee replacement is a big operation and it is barely a month since the surgery. That being said if she does not do the exercises she will never walk properly on that leg. She should be going to PT about three times a week at this point if she is to progress and the PTs will make her do the exercises while she is there. It is hard to motivate ones self to do home exercises when everything makes you tired and all you want to do is watch TV and nap. I would suggest you take her to PT as often as possible. In other things cut her some slack. Make her meals for a few more weeks but make her walk to the table and sit up to eat. Help her in the shower but make her do the majority of the bathing herself. How active was she before the operation? if she had become "old' and sedentary it is going to be hard to change that outlook on life. There certainly is no reason for you to be on call at home for every little thing. It should be safe for you to go out with your sisters if you feel well enough your self. Make it very clear to her that you are not going to become her full time caregiver and if she can't become independent she will be looking at nursing home care in the near future.
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Can you get your mom into in patient pt.? Outpatient does not seem to be working for her (or for you!) Call the doctor who did the surgery, or her pcp and explain what is going on. Did she have general anesthesia? She may be taking a while to recover from that. Agsin, asknif she can be recommended for inpatient rehab. In the long run, it will be much more effective.
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Something similar to us happened. My elderly (85) FIL was admitted to the hospital for a broken rib from a fall and poor o2 levels.
The part that I hate is that he was, by all doctor's opinion, going to be sent to a rehab that would provide much more comprehensive PT and care than he would get at home with us.
This otherwise sweet and wonderful man turned into a raging fanatic, threatening all sorts of stuff, wanting to get dressed and walk home and all of that.
He wanted to come back to his house and sit in his favorite chair and watch TV and relax. He wanted to pretend it was not as bad as it was, wanted to wish it away, I guess. I can't blame him.
Secretly, I KNEW he needed the PT and would have loved just a few days of respite despite not under the terms it would have happened under.
So, what happened? He came home with us because of his degree of upset, it was on us to follow up and make sure he had a PT (who came maybe three times? WOW.)
Every glass of water, all the meals, everything came under our responsibility for the next two plus months and it really took every last bit of energy.
DO NOT ASSUME that an elderly person will cave and go get their own water.
While my FIL had no problem walking in to get ice cream drumstick after drumstick, he would NOT go to the sink and get water or any other drink.
So much so that he damaged his kidneys because of it.
Don't assume they will get up and do it. Make darn sure they will before you get into that particular battle of wills because some people can be amazingly stubborn to their own demise.

Best of luck! Mine is finally more like himself. But, yes, that long, seemingly endless period was just a total nightmare. I hated my life so much.

Keep us posted. (((((HUGS)))))
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Is there some reason she didn't go to rehab for PT? It might have been easier for her to adapt and recover, and that may be part of her problem - she's angry at her situation.
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Thank You Rocknrobin You are right! although I have to admit the part where you said I have to love her enough to let her hate me made me cry because I do love my mom so very much. When she starts going to PT appts I will be with her and when she starts telling them that she is doing her PT and doing things for herself I'm going to have to be strong enough to tell them that isn't true. Thank You so very much for your advice.
God Bless,
Piewacket PS my mom is only 71
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I went to rehab for two full weeks after knee surgery. They push you harder than you will push yourself. So push her. Get her in a walker. Take her outside and put her in a wheelchair and tell her to use her feet to move it. Go to the movies with your sisters. Leave a sandwich in the fridge. And don't worry, she is not fooling the MD's. She is only fooling herself.
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Ok. You may not want to hear this, but here it is. You didn't say mom's age, but I'm assuming she is elderly. It the PT is coming to her home, and she isn't doing it, that will stop. They have told her doctor she is non-compliant. It probably hurts like mad, because she hasn't done her PT. Of course it's going to hurt. But she has to try. STOP doing everything for her. If she's thirsty, she knows where the faucet is. If she's hungry, the fridge hasn't moved. Go to the movies with sis's. Have a life. Tell mom is she isn't willing to try to improve her condition by doing her PT, she will end up in a nursing home. See what she says about that.
We have a lady in our church who had a knee replacement about the same time your mom did. She is 86 and walking with a cane and has been released by her PT to resume driving.
If mom gets "enraged", let her. If she cried, hand her a Kleenex. You have to love her enough to let her hate you, if that's what it takes to get her motivated. If she truly can't, it's time to make other arrangements. Talk to your sisters. Form a plan of action and get moving. You can do this.
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