"Transition" is the perfect word. In many situations we can't just hire someone and then bolt out the door the minute they arrive, leaving our parent alone with a stranger.
Can you arrange for the caregiver to come over for an hour? You, your mom, and the caregiver can have a cup of coffee, chat, and get to know eachother. At the end of the hour the caregiver leaves and gives you and your mom an opportunity to discuss having in-home help. Don't give your mom the idea that she can not like the caregiver and thus turn down in-home help. For instance, you may not want to say, "If you don't like her we can always find someone else." Don't give your mom an out. If, after meeting the caregiver, your mom says she doesn't like her then you can go on to Plan B but until that time talk up the caregiver, "Wasn't she accommodating to come over for an hour to meet you?" Or, "I really liked her, I thought she had a lot of personality." Be positive.
Once the initial meet-and-greet schedule the caregiver for just a few hours for her first shift. Be there when she gets there, ease your mom in, and then leave the house for a few hours. See how things go.
Help the caregiver succeed by giving her little hints or tips on your mom. If your mom likes to look at old photo albums let the caregiver know where they are. If your mom likes a particular dessert have some on hand for the caregiver to serve her. If your mom is chatty let the caregiver know so she can engage your mom. If your mom is more introverted let the caregiver know this as well so she doesn't talk your mom's ear off.
Your profile says that your mom has dementia. Unless it's in the early stage, I think I would have to insist on someone being with her at all times. Arguing, convincing and reasoning, doesn't often work with dementia.
Have you spent at least 24 hours with her lately? Could you arrange to do that so you can see how she is functioning? Most of the time, seniors over estimate their abilities. They claim they can cook, but they have forgotten how to and they just eat what is in the fridge, but that could be spoiled. They forget that food spoils and eat it anyway. They lose the ability to know the dangers of letting a stranger in the door or even give out personal info on the phone. There are many more dangers than leaving the stove on, though that is a huge risk too. They are not able to see how much help they need. It's doubtful you can convince her of that. Sometimes, it just has to happen.
People with dementia are often stubborn and do not have the ability to recognize the need for protection and care. However, that's not reason to let it go, IMO. They are ways to get them care. It's just a matter of which route you have to go. You can just wait it out. Sadly, that usually means a crisis in the home. That sometimes resolves it, because the person is injured and has to go to the hospital. Once there, it's obvious they cannot go home alone, so they are placed in a facility.
It depends on her level of dementia. Is it dangerous for her to be alone? I'm also struggling with my parents on the same issue but we are deadlocked in the no mans land of legal competence and the reality of things going down hill. I can't force the issue at this point.
I did hire a home care company And had them visit the folks. It went well. I fibbed that she was an old girlfriend who had started the business etc. But mom and dad said they're fine but glad to know these folks are out there when they need help.
I can't force it but at least these folks are on deck and ready to launch at the next crisis.
You have two choices. You wait for her to fall and get hurt or possibly start a fire in the kitchen OR You initiate a Guardianship petition through surrogate's court. P.S. If she is still driving, move the car to your house. Been there. Done that.
Can you arrange for the caregiver to come over for an hour? You, your mom, and the caregiver can have a cup of coffee, chat, and get to know eachother. At the end of the hour the caregiver leaves and gives you and your mom an opportunity to discuss having in-home help. Don't give your mom the idea that she can not like the caregiver and thus turn down in-home help. For instance, you may not want to say, "If you don't like her we can always find someone else." Don't give your mom an out. If, after meeting the caregiver, your mom says she doesn't like her then you can go on to Plan B but until that time talk up the caregiver, "Wasn't she accommodating to come over for an hour to meet you?" Or, "I really liked her, I thought she had a lot of personality." Be positive.
Once the initial meet-and-greet schedule the caregiver for just a few hours for her first shift. Be there when she gets there, ease your mom in, and then leave the house for a few hours. See how things go.
Help the caregiver succeed by giving her little hints or tips on your mom. If your mom likes to look at old photo albums let the caregiver know where they are. If your mom likes a particular dessert have some on hand for the caregiver to serve her. If your mom is chatty let the caregiver know so she can engage your mom. If your mom is more introverted let the caregiver know this as well so she doesn't talk your mom's ear off.
Try to ease your mom in.
Have you spent at least 24 hours with her lately? Could you arrange to do that so you can see how she is functioning? Most of the time, seniors over estimate their abilities. They claim they can cook, but they have forgotten how to and they just eat what is in the fridge, but that could be spoiled. They forget that food spoils and eat it anyway. They lose the ability to know the dangers of letting a stranger in the door or even give out personal info on the phone. There are many more dangers than leaving the stove on, though that is a huge risk too. They are not able to see how much help they need. It's doubtful you can convince her of that. Sometimes, it just has to happen.
People with dementia are often stubborn and do not have the ability to recognize the need for protection and care. However, that's not reason to let it go, IMO. They are ways to get them care. It's just a matter of which route you have to go. You can just wait it out. Sadly, that usually means a crisis in the home. That sometimes resolves it, because the person is injured and has to go to the hospital. Once there, it's obvious they cannot go home alone, so they are placed in a facility.
Good luck. Please update as to how things go.
I did hire a home care company And had them visit the folks. It went well. I fibbed that she was an old girlfriend who had started the business etc. But mom and dad said they're fine but glad to know these folks are out there when they need help.
I can't force it but at least these folks are on deck and ready to launch at the next crisis.
You initiate a Guardianship petition through surrogate's court.
P.S. If she is still driving, move the car to your house. Been there. Done that.