How can I get Mom to calm down and work to get out of rehab?

The UTI is likely causing some of the problem, but I agree with Pam. You may just have to let the nurses handle this.

Normally, I'm all for visiting often and doing lots of reassuring and hand holding (literally and figuratively). But there are times, and this seems like one of them, where we have to step back and let the professionals handle the situation. Once she calms down and does what she can, then you can re-enter. keep in touch with the staff and try not to feel guilty. You are trying to do what is right and that isn't always clear-cut.

Take care of yourself. This is a long road.
Carol

As hard as it sounds, you stay away. She will throw a hissy fit for you and try to manipulate you. This does not work with the nurses. I stayed away for the first three days, but checked in with the nurses by phone. Once they told me she was behaving and cooperative, I went to visit.

Some people just do not like physical therapy of any type.... a little of pain and that's it, no more.... it's not easy to tell them *no pain, no gain*.

I know when my Mom was having issues with neck pain, her physical therapist was a very nice looking young man.... she was very cooperative and still talks about him a decade later, and she is still doing the exercises he requested she do that home :)

Do you have a family member that she listens to that is willing to go up there. Some family member don't mind going up to help because all they have to do is to push a button. They are really scared about being in a nursing home because that is what it is in her eyes. They are waking up everyday to this place alone in a new place. Yes this this is the time to get your rest. When they get home that when you are really working with no time to yourself. Your going to have guilt if your there or not. When is her rehab time? Go up there after. I would never say don't go up there. The staff my be great but there aren't that many place that have a great staff to client ratio these days. Come in about seven in the morning in see if you smell pee or if she is wet. I know that sometimes it not the rehab but the place they are having rehab in. my dad was in a place for rehab and kept saying I want to go home and he was being abused we found out after his hip was broken. I'm just saying look at everything not just one way because everything doesn't fit in the same box. Good lucky to you

Unfortunately (especially for caregivers) people hurt the ones they love (that are closest to them). I should be used to the hurt/backlash I get from my mother, but I don't think I'll ever get used to it.

Mp, how does your mom come to be in rehab? Did she have a stroke or TIA? You want to ask if there is any cognitive decline or dementia going on?

Has she ever seen a geriatric psychiatrist?

I agree with Pam, in that family members are their best when we caregivers are out of the room, but as soon as we get there they tell us they are worse or everything else is going bad. Like you were told, this is kind of "normal" behaviors, but keep listening to her, keep telling her SHE has to do her part to get out of rehab, and you will take her home. Don't get discouraged. When people are ill, no matter who they are, they want to be taken care of like when they were a child. Just be kind, understanding, and keep your emotions in check so you don't aggravate the situation. Smile, smile, and smile some more.

55cagirl--
I'm very sorry for this terrible experience and the loss of your father, that is so sad!
I know in my mother's case--it would have been impossible (and I think many others will agree with me) to have had someone with their loved ones "watching" them to make sure their care was the best. This is why they are in rehab facilities or AL. Because we CAN'T be there. We really tried to give mother a ton of attention and time, but it was to the point that the therapists said our constant presence was just making her less likely to be cooperative and to adjust to the rehab facility. (If she didn't like the food, she'd call one of us and have us bring her something she liked). She really had a chance to socialize and do a lot during the days,, but all she wanted to do was lie in bed and "receive" visitors. I think there is a fine line between keeping an eye on the situation and practically living in. Most people don't have enough family, friends, etc in their lives to DO a 4-6 hr stint for weeks, months...again, I am very sorry for how things went with your father. That is sad, and no one should have to deal with that. Please don't beat yourself up over not being there.

I think she just isn't feeling well, alibi tale confused and frustrated at not getting her own way and being hospitalized, so she is lashing out and says hurtful things but truly doesn't mean to be hurtful to you...but just feels too darn bad to take them back.

Don't take it personally, but for your sake, just remind her you love her and wish she didn't have to go through this, but each day will get better and she'll be home befor she knows it...stay positive.

Take a break and keep conversations and visits short. Give her a few days to adjust and let the care team know you are available but you are stepping away a few days while they get mom on board.

Tell mom, you can't wait to get her home when she can walk on her own, feed and toilet herself, whatever and request care team reinforce that message everyday in rehab.

I'd wait til the ABs kick in and she gets a little more compos mentis. We got no sense out of mum when on strong ABs (and to be honest the phsios will struggle too, but they are used to it)
We were lucky that mum initially wanted to come home, so I'd tell her she could not come home til she could walk on her own etc.
(But she ended up loving that rehab home, think she wished she could stay there, they were wonderful and she had all her 'girls' to chat to)

Let the physios so there thing, steer a little clear til she's off the ABs.