I have DPOA of my mom and things have gone from worse to very bad. This is my third time here and I just want to go over what has happened. My mom has been in and out of SNF's over the past 2 yrs. This last time she was deemed incapacitated and two Dr's, the SNF' admin, social worker and the Dept. of Social Services said she needs to stay there. I agreed. She was very violent and almost completely gone until the meds they gave her started to work. She was doing well. Happy every day and we were able to speak with her and most of the time she would be as close to normal as possible.
My dad has dementia and doesn't really remember what he says from day to day. Also in two accidents. He is an addicted gambler and has spent all of his money except for about 7500. By the time I got control of my mom's bank account, he had depleted her 23k down to 8k. He is NOT happy about me having control over her, her medical care and of course, her finances. I am able to handle it.
I have been working with Medicaid so that she could have stayed in that facility and have the majority of her medicare to pay for it. Looks like approval would be at the end of the month or a week later.
Well my dad came to the facility and was on his way out the door with her as I was arriving!!! He was taking her home for good!!! Everyone was outside and said that I had to call the police on my dad to stop him. I just couldn't do it. So now mom is home with dad and things are not good. I am about 25 miles away but there is a lot of traffic and lights so the trip there takes awhile. I figured I would let him see he cannot take care of her and would let me do what is necessary. BTW, he is 91.
He called this afternoon and told me she was incoherent, just sitting, staring and not saying a word since he took her home. He called 911 and my mom spoke and said she did not want to go to the hospital. He has refused to give her any meds, yells at her all the time, makes her eat what he gives her and say she will now start to get well since she is off all of her meds!!! She has diabetes, a heart condition since she was 14 (now 88), osteoarthritis, lymphedema and many other conditions along with breast cancer. I have absolutely no control over him. I know I need to call 911 and have her admitted to the hospital but how do I get her back in a SNF again without my dad incurring a bill? So far he has been denied by the two my mom has been at because he causes too many problems like this. Can anyone tell me how to get the help my mom needs and back into a SNF? I am now just worried about taking care of my mom and my dad can either hate me or ask for help when he needs it. I cannot take anymore. I am getting pains on my left side and have a Dr. appt myself next week. The stress has done me in.

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Thank you all for your advice. It is very appreciated. I will be on this first thing tomorrow. And he does have a habit of repeating himself to her so that she has no choice but to listen so he will shut up. I see now I made the mistake. Nothing was registering in my brain at moment because I couldn't believe what he was doing. I will speak with both of her Dr.'s, Adult Services and the SNF he took her from.
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Contact the nursing home tomorrow and ask if you can bring your mom back under the same terms she was admitted before. If Medicare was paying for her initial stay (before your dad took her), in all probability you can -- and Medicare will continue paying as before. (There's "something magic" about if less than 30 days has passed since she left.)

Let them know that you have her HCPOA and DPOA, and that you are instructing your dad that he is no longer allowed to visit her unless you are there. And that, if you need to, you will immediately get a restraining order to give them authority to enforce your decision.

If they will allow you to do this, you can have her back there and on her medications by tomorrow. If not, then call Adult Protective Services immediately and ask them to do an emergency intervention.

And yes. Of course. You should have called the police.
Helpful Answer (4)

Wow -- why on earth didn't you call the police when all were urging you to? I suppose hindsight is 20/20 vision, but how did you think this was going to work out? Live and learn, I guess.

With your new resolve to take care of mom and let dad hate you if he chooses that, go there, call 911, when they arrive show your POA papers and the papers stating she cannot make her own decisions, and accompany her to the hospital. If you anticipate problems with Dad, ask for a police escort. After they get her back on meds, I hope she can go back to the snf. While she is in the hospital go and talk to them. With them, figure out how you can assure them this won't happen again (perhaps by restricting Dad's visits) and that you would support them by calling the police if it ever became necessary.

Once Mom is back on drugs and doing better, you can turn your attention to Dad (if you want to). It sounds like he could use a lot of help, too.

But, one thing at a time. Get mom back in the hospital.

I am so sorry you are facing such a painful situation. I admire your resolve to see this thing through.
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Sandi, you should have called the police when your dad took mom out of the SNF. Would have made all of this easier. You need to call Adult Protective Services. Tell them what happened, maybe they can help get your Mom back where she needs to be. You have her POA, it is your decision about what is best for your Mom. You may have to restrict Dad's visits to times when only someone is there that will not allow themselves to be intimidated by him.

He is not taking care of your Mom if she is not, at a minimum, getting her meds.
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