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Parents divorced for over 45 years; Dad remarried; Mother stayed single for over 45 years. She is 81. Daughters live in California; Mother moved 18 years ago to Nevada, was working, up until 2 years ago--laid off, on unemployment and social security retirement, until approx,. July 2010; money ran out. Since March 2010, she has been calling (I provided her with a cell phone and pay for it since 2008) and telling me she can no longer afford rent, her car, her bills, she is not eating, etc.--she will live out of her car, or be homeless, etc.

Stupid me, since that time, I have sent her money that I do not have and have been struggling myself, along with everyone in my household (who is on unemployment, desperatley seeking work, but nothing so far), trying to keep a roof over my head and having to file for BK, as well...I sent her what I could over those months. I have spent time looking into what resources (ie., food stamps, etc.) that she could apply for---after all of my suggestions while she was still living in Nevada, and she always had excuses for not driving to the Administration offices, etc.; then continuously telling me she had been knocked down and robbed; someone attempted to break into her apartment; and that finally, she had given notice that she was moving, my friends and I went to Nevada and moved her (after giving her 4 options to keep a roof on her head; two of them staing in Nevada), she opted to move back to California.

Since that time, she has falsely accused everyone, including my father who she divorced 45 years ago and hasnt seen her probably about that long ago, of many different things; my friends and I are not sure what is truth or fiction; she has always had some type of "mental issue" from 45 years ago. I thought I had taken the right measure, believing that she would be better off in California---but now I find out differently She only calls when she is out of money and bills have to be paid...and neither my sister, my friends where she is staying, nor myself, can afford to give her money. That is the only time she calls. I have put up with her calling me horrible names and bringing up childhood issues that I wanted to forget and move on with my life, which I did. This is horrible and now none of us know what to do with her, or who to contact.

I was unable to constantly go up to Nevada to assist her; I cannot afford to be out of work myself or my friend and I will be homeless. She cannot live in our apartment (luckily we have stairs and I am under lease--phew!). She has had violent tendencies and both my sister and I are afraid of what she could or might do to either one of us. She told me she was planning on driving herself back to Nevda. Both my sister, friends and myself said fine, go--you have the keys to your car.

Today, she called and left me a message that she the apartment complex where she was living turned her over to collection (obviously she did not give appropriate notice, thereby lying to me and my friends--she said she had to be out by December 3); and that the car was going to be picked up; and that she was broke. My payday was yesterday, and I am broke due to my bills--and in hopes I dont get laid off because of this added stress and the way the economy is going. I already laid out $750+ for her car, $600 for moving her, and my friends have put her up for at least a month.

I thought and my friends thought we were doing the right thing; but I realize that this woman could not be my Mother...it is very sad to say that, but she plays people and cons them. I am not sure the last time she took a bath or shower. She asks my friends at the house she is staying to drive her here and there, then turns on them saying she has no gas---yet she hasnt driven since we drove her down here, and none of us would feel comfortable with her driving us anywhere. She appears to be coherent; supposedly her goal as she had told us at the time of prior to moving her, that she wanted to get a job part time, and keep a roof over her head (which my friends have provided), but as to a job part time--she has not looked; she told me she wanted to collect disability! (Huh??)....

Can anyone give me numbers to call or someone to call to get her help----I am at a loss as to what measures or who to call to assist, and I am sure I am not alone with these issues. Thank you.

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I hate to say this, but you're being taken for a ride by someone who never cared about you prior to knowing you could give her money.
My ex wife walked off on me and my two kids when they were babies and not once did she ever make even the vaguest attempt to contact us except once she sent a fake xmess card claiming she would send gifts that never arrived..
Fast forward 25 years I was hauling a load of scrap metal to a scrap yard one day and low and behold who walks out of the pay office? You guessed it and then sent some strange guy to my truck to ask where i lived.. I told him I lived under a bridge and my kids were dead.
I have no doubts if she ever contacted my kids she would do exactly the same thing to them, but both now know she is NOT their "mom", but just a woman who got knocked up almost 30 years ago then ran off to go sleep with every man she could find. Their "mom" is a woman who actually raised them with 25+ yrs of unquestionable love. Their biological mother remains a stranger who cries crocodile tears whenever to going gets tough and who given the chance would con them out of their life savings.
Sad story, huh? You have the ability to write "The End" if you so choose. It might be tough, but would give you peace of mind in the long run.. That's my 2 cents worth.
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KM:

Don't hate me for this, but she might be on drugs and/or hooked with someone much younger who's hustling her. Then again she's probably a very good con artist who'd rather spend someone else's money and save her own for a rainy day.

Next time, don't give her jack and stop feeling sorry for her. That's what she's banking on.

-- ED
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Re taking time off work. You may want to see if your employment falls under the Family Medical Leave Act which entitles you to take time off to care for a qualified family member.

http://www.dol.gov/whd/fmla/
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You are not financially responsible for your Mother, legally.
She does seem to be, from your explanation, to have a sort of behavior disorder. If you feel the need to get POA, see an Estate and Family Law attorney, then take her to a Psychiatrist and get your siblings to share the burden of managing her. This is a tough call. The mentally ill need to be cared for, and with the right drugs, maybe she will normalize and not be such a
problem to you. Best of Luck, Hugs.
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Hey thank you :) for the link. I will check into it! My boss told me my job may be jeopardized if too much time is spent on trying to deal with my Mom's issues. So I am trying to find resources other than where she is temporarily staying to assist, but then agan, they are not so reliable.
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Yes, she is 81 and she now is in California. She collects SSI, but all of my suggestions for her she ignores, whether intentionally, or just for her own reasons which she wont admit to. For one, she lied to me about her age a few months ago, and I only found out her true age when she was here and I changed her car insurance online--you have to remember most contact in Nevada for 17 yrs was via phone. She basically walked back into my life after 18 years. It is hard to tell what is truth and make believe with her! And yet I have such inner conflict because she is my Mom, but never was a Mom, per se. I called my LCSW that I saw for my divorce way back when and asked to see her---because of my Mother's name calling, etc.!
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She is 81? and she worked? Isn't she eligible for either social security or SSI? Is she in California? Can't California Dept of Aging provide any resources for you? http://www.aging.ca.gov/
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