He is 20 years older than me, but has COPD which is getting worse, needs a hip replacement. He also needs back surgery. He continues to smoke, and the doctors won't do surgery because of that. I honestly believe he is very depressed. I want to help him but I am getting very tired of trying to help someone who won't help himself. He doesn't get that by not helping himself he is really harming our marriage. Shows that he doesn't care enough about our marriage or me to take care of himself. He is beginning to show signs of dementia, or it could be the depression. He is 76 years old and could still have a much better quality of life if he would try. I really need some advice on how to get through to him. I have thought of doing kind of an intervention with all of our kids. Don't know if that would help or hinder. Any ideas?