Mom had a major stroke a month ago and likely will not be able to walk again or make major decisions so will need 24 hour care. Dad barely can care for himself and really needs to be in a home now but is fighting for his independence. I am the only child and dealing with his outbursts of anger and poor decisions concerning moms care and other choices. There is no written POA and although the understanding medical staff are working with me, dad will not hand over full decisions of moms final care to me. When we get to the end of her rehab he wants to take her home and hire $8 and hour people to change her and bathe her belie he watches TV while she just sits there so he's not alone. I can NOT have that. Of course she would like to go home but that's not the life she should have when there a facility near with church services, gospel bands that visit, field trips, family days, activities more than I can keep up with. My husbands Aunt is there and his mother will be there soon as well.
The hang up also with dad is his assets with Medicaid and how they will go through all he has and divide it up. He still plans to get fishing land and fish with mom. It's just not possible now. He is very angry and we even butted heads once in the ER while mom was being checked out. The last thing she ever wanted. He's just not able, plain and simple. He forgets chunks of days past and looses things and has mini strokes himself and needs a thorough check but will not go by my say. I am really stumped.
Is there a way to further protect what he has or do I just need to bite the bullet and have him deemed incompetent at this point despite what either of them would have wanted to get what's best for them both? The stress he's causing me and others is way more than what mom and her stroke has caused.