How do I get guardianship of my mother from my father?

The guardianship must be done through a court order.

I read on another thread about TEEPA'S GEMS - I spent last night watching some of videos - many are about 5 min long - I found '10 SIGNS OF EARLY DEMENTIA' especially helpful -

Your dad shows some signs especially where he is taking a lot of effort to 'put everything in the right place' as far as he's concerned & that is your mom home with him taking care of her - he may also be in beginning of dementia which could be going unnoticed as everyone focuses on mom

I also found 'HOW TO TALK TO A DEMENTIA PATIENT' extremely helpful so that your body language doesn't make their hackles raise before you even start speaking - I recommend it all here - if nothing else you'll know more to help your mom - good luck

Also get outside help, sometimes parents listen better to someone other than a child. Maybe a doctor, nurse - geriatric care manager can talk to him about getting additional help. If he refuses, than Social Services may have to get involved.

It is very difficult to prove a parent is incapable of making decisions. My mother went through it with her aunt. She was unable to proceed without legal guidance. And a nurse-friend had to call in favors too.

Before you judge your father too harshly (I've been there with my parents) - it is very possible your father is doing what your mother is requesting. I can tell you first hand, my dad tried to do what my mother wanted - even when it was not a good decision. He had his own health issues and I don't think he ever realized how poorly my mother was doing. But knowing my mother, I know my dad was just following her orders. It's a tricky situation.

You will definitely need to seek legal aid. It is hard to prove someone needs POA.

This information is helpful

I'm wondering if dad also has a medical problem which influences his decision making in re: the mother.

Has your father been appointed as your mother's Guardian by a court? Or does he have POA? Only the court can appoint the Guardian. If you think that he is the Guardian and not doing a proper job, I'd consult with an Elder Law attorney who handles such things and get information on how to have him replaced AND if there is no Guardian, how to have yourself appointed. The lawyer should know what you need as evidence, the process, etc.

If mom's safety is at risk and she's suffering, you can also contact Adult Protective Services and they will conduct an investigation.

It sounds like he's refusing all help. I'd treat it as an emergency.