My grandma molested me and other children when I was 4. Now that I'm older & realize what she did was wrong, I told my parents. She is also very violent, sexually harasses, and verbally/emotionally abuses me daily yet my parents do nothing because of their culture. Now that I'm about to attend a 4 year college soon, two of my cousins will be moving in from my parents' original country to attend high school and I'll never forgive myself if I don't get her out of the house first. What do I do? Please let me know, I could not live with myself knowing I am part of the reason my cousins were molested as well - thank you

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You report the crime. Whether or not she is locked up is the decision of the judge. Go to a police station and report the crime.
Helpful Answer (17)

Call the police. Call the Rape Crisis Center. Talk to a counselor at school. Talk to a friend's parents that you trust!!! Somebody (or several somebodies!! need to be in your corner!!!)

I too was molested by an older brother for many, many years. I never told because no one would have believed me. When I finally DID tell my parents, with the support of my other siblings, my mother called me a liar and drama queen.

Yes, she will continue to abuse smaller, younger "prey". My brother did. That is almost worse for me, knowing maybe by my silence I allowed a lot of pain to happen to others.

Your parents may not believe you, and that is not unusual. Get some advocates and get tough. This is not a fun thing to go through--my heart is breaking for you.

PLEASE don't just leave and leave these smaller cousins to deal with her. What she is doing is a crime.

I've been in therapy for 20+ years and am just now beginning to feel better about myself. I'm 60--and I hate my brother for what he stole from me.

I'm praying for you. This is so hard.
Helpful Answer (12)

I want you to google my friend Erin Merryn. She had stuff happen to her too. You are right to speak up to someone in authority to prevent this from happening again no matter their nationality. If you are in school, I want you to go speak to the school counselor, or principal, or resource officer/ police officer - the higher the better, even if it's a man. Tell them exactly what you said here, and fill in the blanks. I know you are about to graduate, and this is a really exciting time but terrifying as well. 

If your parents give you grief about reporting grandma, you can remind them that grandma will have free old age care this way.  She probably won't t get prison, but it does have free medical care, housing, and food, so there are similarites. You should tell your friends who were also molested that they should speak up to teachers as well. And give a shout out to Erin Merryn too. She's trying to get schools to teach small children to report sexual abuse when they are small when they can do something to stop it earlier.

It's not just in your culture that people are taught not to say anything about evil that comes from a relative...It's the same evil coming out in the adult children. Abuse is never right, and sexual abuse is even worse. I am sure that if you let your college's financial aid counselors know what is going on, they will help you get to college as you move forward to remove grandma from your presence. We will be rooting for you. Please come back here and give us updates.
Helpful Answer (9)

As a physician who specialized in child and adult psychiatry, I support and underscore all the comments referring you to the criminal justice system. Despite whatever your parents may say, you are of an age that warrants credibility by the legal system. Simplest action would be to contact your local police and request contact with the unit that handles sexual abuse crimes. That team will be disposed to listen and act on what you report. I hope you also seek help for yourself before your past experience blocks your ability to establish and appropriate, loving relationship in the future. Good luck.
Helpful Answer (8)

One more thing--you are not alone when you say your parents do not do anything about it because of their culture. Actually, it may be their ages. I myself was molested by an uncle and promptly told my mother. YET she had the gall to keep in communication with the pedophile-her brother-in-law until his death years later. She said 1,001 times over "why didn't you tell me?" My response="mother, I told you and yet you choose to do nothing about it!!!!"
Helpful Answer (7)

So very sad for you because you are not only a victim of this abuse (which is a crime) and have lived with this....but because reporting will cause your family to possibly reject you just because you will try to help your cousins.
Can you write to your cousin's parents and warn them? If they do nothing, and send your cousins, warn your cousins face-to-face. Can they live with you?
Helpful Answer (7)

There are many cultures which inhibit children and grandchildren from criticising their elders.

But there are NO cultures which frankly, literally, endorse the sexual abuse of children. Seriously, none. Unless... are you talking about FGM?

In any case. Report the facts of what happened to you to your local Child Protection Services, and explain that your young teenage cousins will shortly be joining the same household. You can do this in confidence - CPS will not disclose the source of their information - and they will be obliged to follow it up. The key thing is to get those cousins onto the CPS radar, so that even if your parents and grandmother collude in denying what happened to you, your cousins will be watched over.

You could also make contact with your cousins directly and support them in protecting themselves from the abuse, and by giving them information about whom to call if they are in trouble. After all, they're not little kids, they're teenagers - old enough to speak up as long as they can be sure they'll be listened to.

Have you ever been able to confront your grandmother about her behaviour?
Helpful Answer (7)

Oh my sweetie you have your hands full. Not to my knowledge can you force a person to go into a nursing home if there not willing. If it were me and all of this had happened I could not allow this to happen to your cousins. I would talk to your doctor or your Grandmother's doctor and tell them the whole story. There has to be someone to help you so this does not happen again. If the doctor can't surely he would know who to talk to that could help you. Bless your heart for coming forward and speaking up.
Good luck to you..
Helpful Answer (6)

If she did this to you she did this to her own children. I think u need to talk to a therapist who has to keep what u say private. Especially since it's a cultural thing. You could alienate ur parents. Ur highschool should have someone you can talk to and maybe get ur parents involved.
Helpful Answer (5)

Tell your cousins, Warn them in very straight up language.

They should be able to defend themselves...and the rest of the family knows too. So, no one will be left alone with her.

Tell grandma that everyone is watching now.

Next time she is the police. They will take her into Adult Protective Custody. But..the lock down psychology unit can only keep them for 2 weeks....and there is never a residential bed available that fast. Try to get her discharged into a nursing home of memory unit.
Helpful Answer (5)

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