Follow
Share

My 83yo father in law has recently come to live with our family. Over the last 6 months he had been sick hospitalized 3 times. He has Diabetes, chf, kidney disease and glaucoma . He is extremely independent and sharp mentally he just stopped working full time 2 years ago. His balance is off and he had a recent unexplained pass out spell. His Dr's told him driving is not safe be he refuses to listen. He won't shower, or get up to urinate in the bathroom, he's ruined the carpet in daughters room. I'm returning to work next week and I'm truly concerned about his well being. His body is not physically up to participate with his mind and is hard.

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
In some states, doctor must inform DMV, which will suspend license, if certain medical problems exist - I think episodes of passing out fall under this.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Whew. That's good news, because with sudden episodes of passing out, driving is absolutely contraindicated. Not many people realize this, but poorly controlled diabetes or heart disease poses a somewhat higher risk of accident than epilepsy in general.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

Good for you Mema, because the first time I expressed concerns about my MIL, her kids looked at me like my hair was on fire and I had lost my mind.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Thanks everyone, to my relief my husband and his sisters and I sat down and laid our concerns out to him. I think it really hit home when I expressed my concerns to him and his children about how this situation is putting a strain on me being his caretaker. Hopefully this works for the long run.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

Mema, here in NY if you MD says no driving, your license is suspended. Check with you nearest motor vehicle office.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

Even being the prime driver for one's parents can hurt the person doing the driving....

After six years of "driving Miss Daisy and her husband [my Dad]" in a heavy traffic metro area, couple months ago I had to drop 90% of my driving because I was having serious panic attacks while behind the wheel. Thank goodness my office is less than 2 miles from my home so I can still work.

I am an only child with no children, so there is no one to pass the car keys unto. My sig other helps out when he can but with his high stressed job he cannot take time off to run my parents here or there.

Now my parents look at me and say "who is going to drive us?". I usually answer "who is going to drive me when I am your age? Oh wait, I will be living in a retirement village that has transportation." The hint never sinks in.... [sigh]
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Dealing with the inconvenience of driving a parent and/or helping them make arrangements to get places is much better than dealing with the consequences of them injuring another person or themselves. I am doing this for my mother (90) and MIL. Also, if he recently made a move and is driving in a new area it can be difficult. My 85 year old MIL needed to give up driving - I checked with the DOL and found out what they required review someone for this situation. Before we could do anything she had an accident (hit the gas not the brake) her car was totaled and she had to visit the ER. Thankfully no one else was hurt. We had conversations with her about no longer driving, but she got it in her mind that she would buy a new car. My husband told her if she could get her dr to agree in writing she was fit to drive and she could take pass the driving test he would help her get another car. Of, course we knew neither of those things would ever happen, but it put it squarely on her and that was the last we heard of it.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

You can request an occupational therapist evaluate his driving if you are uncertain about what the doctor has said. In my experience, doctors only tell their patients not to drive in the most extreme circumstances, so I would take this very seriously. His insurance may not cover an accident that happens after the doctor has gone on record as saying this.

Explore other transportation options. Taxis, senior vans and delivery services may be options. As FF says, do not offer to become his transportation system.

When I divorced and remarried 12 yeas ago at age 49, I realized that I was probably buying a place to live that would need to last until my dotage. I live in an elevator building with handicap accessibility. I live one block from an accessible subway station . I have grocery and pharmacy that deliver nearby and a hospital a block away.

I have three wonderful adult children, but as adults, we need to plan for our own futures.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

Curious why the doctor feels it is unsafe for him to drive. Lot of people drive that have diabetes, CHF, kidney disease, are incontinent, don't shower, and/or have glaucoma. A good friend of mine has MS, couldn't walk, and she was able to drive using hand controls. Your father-in-law passing out could have been a day where he wasn't paying attention to this diabetes.

If your FIL can safely get from point A to point B, let him keep driving or you will become his wheels. That happened to me with my parents who stopped driving, good heavens my parents wanted to leave their house 2 to 3 times a day, yes per day. Mom wanted to go to 3 different grocery stores because each one had a sale on something. And all the doctor appointments. I used up all my vacation days at work, all my sick days, and days without pay to drive my parents. It became exhausting for me to a point I now rarely drive at all :(

It's something to think about.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.