my mother refuses to use these and its becoming a big issue. ruining furniture, car seats,clothes, mattresses.. I have put pads on her underwear and she takes them off. saying she doesn't need them.
Does she have an allergy to them or some reason that she finds them uncomfortable? Does she exhibit any other signs that she may have mental decline? Most people who don't have mental decline would not ruin furniture, clothes, etc. due to incontinence. I would discuss it with her doctor and see what might be causing this. Perhaps a consult with a psychiatrist might be helpful.
the dr says its age related memory issues. I think its more than that. she puts on a good front for people. we've talked to a psycharist, no help. fooled them pretty good. no allergies, a pad like tenna should not be an issue. but she removes them if I place them in her clean undies. and refuses to wear a "diaper". in an independent living center. so might have to resort to them making her.
Go through her drawers and take out all her panties and replace them with the disposable underwear. Make sure you get the kind designed for active people that is designed to fit snugly under clothes, not the baggy bulky kind, even if they are cheaper. And buy washable furniture pads for the places she sits most often.
I'm wondering how the people at IL will make her wear the disposable underwear. Will they supervise her use of the underwear? I thought that IL did not provide any direct care of the resident.
Even if she puts on the disposable underwear, who is going to ensure that she changes them or cleans up after her? Does she use the toilet for bowel movements?
I would think that incontinence and resisting hygiene care, would be a very serious sign about her mental decline. Perhaps, you need a second opinion. Does she see a Geriatric doctor?
You say there are other indicators of a problem. Why not make a list of your observations and share it with her doctor.
I think I would try to get her into Assisted Living so they can supervise her. They will likely put the disposable underwear on her and not debate it. I've read about adult onsies that prevent the patient from being able to take them off, so the are not able to remove the underwear. I'm not sure if an assisted living facility would use those or not.
Sunnygirl 1... they will assist.. for added money of course.. but she still fights with them. says she doesn't need any of that ... I have discussed with the dr about some of her issues. but face to face, she acts normal(?).. they only see slight mental decline. I tell them how she is with me. but they don't see that side. I've tried to get her into a Geriatric dr. but seems all drs. in my area are not accepting new patients. so I;m kinda stuck. she sees my dr. now. and I had to beg for that! getting very frustraited and annoyed. I have some pretty good health issues my self and its quite trying. my husband is a saint..
Oh my. I don't know all the details involving the EXTRA help the IL staff will provide for her, but I think I might look into the AL. They would encounter her resistance to the underwear a couple of times and then call her doctor and report that she is incontinent and resisting measures for toileting. I don't know what happens then, but at least the doctor will have direct proof from her care providers that this is a huge problem.
If she physically resists the AL staff in wearing the adult underwear, I'm not sure what they would do. I hope you can get some answers here from someone who has dealt with this. Keep checking back here for responses.
I suspect that they would put her in clothes that would prevent her from being able to take them off. I will try to ask the Memory Care facility where my cousin stays how they handle such things.
I would try to resolve this now, as if she continues this way and is bowel incontinent too, then you will really have a mess. This type of mess is common with dementia patients. I have known several myself who would deposit feces all throughout the house for some unknown reason. Their brain just doesn't let them know what they are really doing. They had to go to long term care.
I have found that Mom would put up a huge fuss for a week or so about a change and then she had forgotten all about how it used to be and adjusted well. So, when she's not in the bedroom, remove all her traditional panties and replace them with nice "disposable underwear". Refuse to call them diapers. Ride out the storm for a week or so. Keep plenty of "fresh undies" in the toilet area and a bucket with a lid to dispose of the old ones. Skip any complicated, tidy disposal units (personal experience speaking here).
Veronica.. I haven't heard of incontinence underwear.. can you explain a little more? where would I find them? I.m now paying the staff to do her laundry daily instead of weekly. I couldn't physically do it anymore. bedding, clothes, towels... just too much every day. she is a self pay. so kinda watching the pennies if I can. at the il where she is, they will provide some assistance, again for a price. the people are really good with her. but the company will not allow them to do more than what is being paid for. I understand I guess. $375 a month just to knock on the door and remind her to take her pills. that dosent mean she will. so no help with that. not sure what their incontinence care involves. but was informed that it would be 1075 a month.
The way my Mom solved that problem with my Dad, who didn't want to wear Depends/Guards, was after a few accidents she would hand my Dad the cleaner, rags, and paper towels for him to clean up the accidents. Before you knew it, on Mom's grocery list was Depends/Guards :)
Another idea, buy some for yourself and then tell Mom that you wear them, and show her the top edge of your Depend type garment. Some elders think these items are only for old people.... glad to see TV ads showing younger people wearing them.
I've told mom that I wear the pads. but ive not shown her. she seems to not care. and I cant even get her to do her own dishes, let alone clean anything else. she says she spilled hot chocolate.. its not hot chocolate :(
pdhamann, I think I might have your mom assessed to see if what her current needs are. I know that you are paying extra for a lot of extra help. But, you say that she's not doing her dishes, not cleaning the apt., not wearing the adult underwear, and you're not sure that she's taking her meds, though, she's reminded. (Plus feces stains that she claims is chocolate.) It sounds like there are a lot of things that she is not capable of doing anymore. Maybe a new assessment might provide more guidance. I wish you both the best. Please let us know how things go.
pdhamann, I remember some time ago on the forum when it came to riding in the car, the parent was no longer allowed in the car unless they were wearing a Depend type garment. That may or may not work for your Mom.
Now I am wondering about your Mom using pad liners, she says she does not need them. Could be she is associating the pads with Kotex pads, thus she would be right, at her age she wouldn't need them. When you think about it, we spend 40 some years wearing such pads, then we finally break free, then before you know it, we are back to wearing pads :P
My Dad is living in Independent Living and housekeeping comes once a week to clean the bathroom, change the linens/towels, vacuum, and wash the kitchen floor which is part of the monthly rent. My Dad recently went to the option of having his pills managed for him, thus twice a day an Aide will bring him his pills, get him some water, and wait for him to take those pills. Yes, we pay extra for the pill management but it is well worth it.
fregflyer, my mom has the pads for incontinence. she knows what they are and does use them when she decides to. she got snippy with me again today because I told her if she wanted to go to the store, she would have to wear the pad. slammed the door, grumbled at me and finally put it on. so she knows when she wants to.
She may need a low dose anti-Dep. That may just lift her mood enough that she may cooperate more w/everything. Then reward her w/outing to dinner or shopping or a visit etc. We removed underwear from the dresser and started to replace w/pullups and have never looked back.
Celeste.. are you saying anti-depressant? she takes a pill for that now.. when I can get her to take her pills. thinking I have to start replacing her undies I guess. she just gets so ornery:(.. what kind of pull ups do you use?
First I would not call them diapers. Just call them panties or underwear. If she is in decline she won't realize the difference. Can she change them herself. One thing to watch for is if she changes them herself, make sure she doesn't put them in the toliet or even leave them lying around. I have to help my mom change her but once she took them off on her own (yes they were dirty) and laid them on the kitchen counter. Needed lots of disinfect to get that image out of my head. I can laugh about it now but it wasn't funny at the time.
we went through this with my mom. we went online and got free samples on the different brands of disposable underwear. We kept trying different ones until we found one that she tolerated. depends silhouette. it took about 4-5 months to find a brand that fit and for my mom to get used to wearing them exclusively. during that transition time, we put disposable underpads on the furniture and on car seats. We let my mom use her regular underwear and waited until a time when she soiled them. when we were cleaning up, instead of regular underwear, we had her try on the disposable brand. we mentioned it might be more comfortable. as she got used to them over the course of a few months we just started using the disposable. it was a struggle and my mom resisted. the only drawback is we have to accompany her to the bathroom to help change the disposable underwear. she resisted the help at first but now she doesn't seem to mind.
Nolagal, you crack me up :) I've found some of her pads lying around her room.. but that image you described will make an impression;;lol.. I call the underwear for her.. she calls them diapers. guess because she had to take care of my grandma for so long and that;s what she called them then. grandma did not have memory issues like mom does.. I think the part that makes it hard is that it is my mom.. she was always so confident and fashionable. dressed well took good care of herself. and now she wont comb her hair,wears the same old clothes that are too small for her. she's put on quite a bit of weight.... but I know I gotta do what I gotta do...
When my husband, who was diagnosed with Aphasia and Vascular Dementia, started peeing in his pants, I bought some Depends and told him they were his new Jockey shorts! Took all other "shorts" away. Don't know how much he understood but worked like a charm with no resistance. His problem now is that when he does make it to the bathroom, half the time he "misses the target". Any suggestions on how to help? I've covered the floors with potty pads to at least keep the floors dry.
FloMae, its hard but he needs to sit down. My father had Vascular Dementia after his stroke, and apart from anything else sitting down made him much less likely to fall. And much more likely to stay on target.
Pdhamann, does your mother still have any sense of smell? It may help to remind her of how unpleasant she has always found the smell of people with continence issues. Then say she wouldn't want any risk of being like that, would she? I would also put towels or similar on car seats and furniture. Sounds like your mother has cognitive issues, so I don't think pads would work well. You'd be best to go straight to disposable pullups (there are washable ones, but can you imagine how hard they would be to get clean?). My mother has relatively mild cognitive issues, and probably a loss of smell, and sometimes we find her clothes or the floor streaked with faecal matter which she is oblivious to. Only a matter of time before we broach the disposable pullup conversation, and I know how badly it will go! Good luck
FloMae, I agree with sandwichgirl above... time for him to sit down. He might feel offended but many guys of all ages prefer to sit, especially very tall athletics who have back issues, much more comfortable. Now if he is extremely heavy, you might need to try the toilet seats that have a cut out in the front to give him more room.
As one gets older they become nose blind to their own odors. I would go into Dad's apartment and I can tell as soon as I walk into the room that he had changed his Depends and it is sitting in the wastebasket in the bathroom.
For the life of me I cannot figure out why he doesn't tie up the bag and go out into the hall, walk maybe 10 steps to the trash-shoot. He walks right past the front door to get back to the living room. Guess he's waiting for the caregiver or me to throw it out.... [sigh].
Thus, out comes the can of scented spray. I noticed a few weeks ago the morning caregiver had placed scented dryer sheets everywhere she can, even in the dresser drawers.
Allegro has protective washable underwear for men and women. They are about $26 a pair but they last through 100s of washings. In 2 years I have only had to replace 2.
Remove all of her underwear, throw it out, and replace them with "designer Depends." Refer to them as her "briefs." Let her rant and rave. It is a health issue for all concerned.
Even if she puts on the disposable underwear, who is going to ensure that she changes them or cleans up after her? Does she use the toilet for bowel movements?
I would think that incontinence and resisting hygiene care, would be a very serious sign about her mental decline. Perhaps, you need a second opinion. Does she see a Geriatric doctor?
You say there are other indicators of a problem. Why not make a list of your observations and share it with her doctor.
I think I would try to get her into Assisted Living so they can supervise her. They will likely put the disposable underwear on her and not debate it. I've read about adult onsies that prevent the patient from being able to take them off, so the are not able to remove the underwear. I'm not sure if an assisted living facility would use those or not.
If she physically resists the AL staff in wearing the adult underwear, I'm not sure what they would do. I hope you can get some answers here from someone who has dealt with this. Keep checking back here for responses.
I suspect that they would put her in clothes that would prevent her from being able to take them off. I will try to ask the Memory Care facility where my cousin stays how they handle such things.
I would try to resolve this now, as if she continues this way and is bowel incontinent too, then you will really have a mess. This type of mess is common with dementia patients. I have known several myself who would deposit feces all throughout the house for some unknown reason. Their brain just doesn't let them know what they are really doing. They had to go to long term care.
Another idea, buy some for yourself and then tell Mom that you wear them, and show her the top edge of your Depend type garment. Some elders think these items are only for old people.... glad to see TV ads showing younger people wearing them.
Now I am wondering about your Mom using pad liners, she says she does not need them. Could be she is associating the pads with Kotex pads, thus she would be right, at her age she wouldn't need them. When you think about it, we spend 40 some years wearing such pads, then we finally break free, then before you know it, we are back to wearing pads :P
My Dad is living in Independent Living and housekeeping comes once a week to clean the bathroom, change the linens/towels, vacuum, and wash the kitchen floor which is part of the monthly rent. My Dad recently went to the option of having his pills managed for him, thus twice a day an Aide will bring him his pills, get him some water, and wait for him to take those pills. Yes, we pay extra for the pill management but it is well worth it.
For the life of me I cannot figure out why he doesn't tie up the bag and go out into the hall, walk maybe 10 steps to the trash-shoot. He walks right past the front door to get back to the living room. Guess he's waiting for the caregiver or me to throw it out.... [sigh].
Thus, out comes the can of scented spray. I noticed a few weeks ago the morning caregiver had placed scented dryer sheets everywhere she can, even in the dresser drawers.