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This man is 92, has been a minister and his private parts are private, needs assistance with showers because of incontinence but gets very upset when any assistance is needed. How do we get him to take a shower without a fight?

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Rather than using soap products use Cetyphyl (not sure of spelling) or some other type of NON soap pump dispenser that way if it all does not get rinsed off it is OK, no additives to cause irritation. Don't think this would do well on hair but Burts Bees makes a baby shampoo that is in a pump dispenser and very gentle & will not burn eyes.
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clean is clean, no matter how you get there. Washcloth a bit at a time if necessary -- hard to get hair clean though. Ever done foot soak for them -- feels nice, less traumatic than a shower? Water not too hot in a flat plastic tub while in the kitchen (them seated). Towel under the tub to keep bottom from being cold. He loved the attention, and feet got clean (hard to do in a shower).
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Just remembered that baby wipes & bath wipes are wonderful also for small areas.
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what about the liquid soaps? They aren't cold, smell nice & there are gentle formulas (Dove) for dry skin. Bed baths are also an idea when it's mainly the peri area/armpits that smell. Just put down an extra towel & roll over when finished. I distinctly remember "pm care" in the long term care facility where I worked & we would premedicate to calm some agitated people....the nurses aids get beat up during this time......good luck & keep praying!
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Thank you for your answer. The person I shower is my husband who is 87. I don't know that he is modest as he never was before. He just doesn't like me putting soap on him. I explain he needs to be kept clean and because he has a cathetor and I am only trying to help. I joke around with him while I shower him and try and get him to laugh and forget I am soaping him up. I used to get in the shower with him but now he won't stand long enough so he has to sit in the shower chair. Once he is out and dry he is ok and says the shower felt good. I am his wife and full-time caregiver. I used to have someone come and bath him but it wasn't any better for them. I just feel like a monster each time I have to do the shower thing and find it very exhausting.
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Cali~I agree with mom it is easy right now, but as the dementia increases, she may get where she is afraid of the water. Now it is just that she forgets to bathe plus she does not have bathtub which she always had and used before. You are so right about preserving their dignity and independence.
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Dang, you & sis have it easy....lol...(j/k....NOTHING is very easy with being a caregiver). My boss is not modest at all! But, she used to resist the shower s too. She just didnt feel like taking a shower, and she would start to smell. Especially down in the lower regions. Also, we would worry about UTI because of the hygiene issues. I think the best approach that works for my lady is to take a minute before having to assist with ANYTHING that takes a little bit of their dignity away, and maybe tell him that you understand it's an uncomfortable situation, and that you understand it must be very hard for them to have to accept this kind of help. That you realize a certain amount of their dignity, and independence is being taken away but, it's something that is very important for them to be able remain healthy. Or maybe have a male family assist with this task as often as possible. Try not to make him feel like he is a spectacle. Have only one female help him all the time. I usually try to imagine if it were me in the same position. How would I feel? What would make me feel more comfortable. Helping our elderly maintain as much dignity, and independence as possible is so important to their mental happiness. Good luck.
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What about once you get them into the shower and sit them on the shower chair, they just look at you and tell you they want to get out. They yell and fight to get out. Once I get the soap on him by using a spongie and then shampooing his hair, I warm the water (I have a hand held) and hold the water over him. He yells for a little bit and then finally settles down. Still can't wait to get out so I have to move quickly. He won't help wash himself so I am soaked usually by the time I am done and get the towel around him. He always loved his daily shower but no longer. I shower him every 2-3 days but always a hassle. Any suggestions? I do talk calm and short sentences but nothing helps.
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Do you have male caregiver that can assist him? My mom has Alzheimer's and we have her sit in a shower chair and hand her the shampoo, tell her to rinse, then hand her the conditioner, tell her to rinse,etc. She does not want us (sis and me) to see her unclothed so we hand things thru the shower curtain, when she is done washing and rinsing then we leave the bathroom so she can dry and dress herself.
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