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Jeanie: I know what you mean...sometimes Mom just digs her heals in and there is no moving her. Some people say, "just let her suffer the consequences of her decisions." But, at this stage in life, those "consequences" effect me too.
Something that has helped is talking to her when she is in a good mood and will listen to reason. I just tell her that caregiving is stressful enough without her going against good advice and seeking not medical treatment, etc.
I have never treated my Mom like a "tall child" so I am constantly balancing her right to choose for herself with what is best for her long-term health.
good luck...let us know if you have found a better solution.
Lilli
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Thank you. He has heart and blood clot issues so it is emergancy situations. It's also that he waits too long. It's not so much the anger that's the problem. It's that he makes it impossible to help him. He refuse to follow doctors directions and refuse to eat. We can deal with the anger.
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Why are you taking him to the ER as opposed to his family doc? Does he have an illness that flares up suddenly? or does he wait so long that it is the only alternative?
The common thread among all seniors is that they are not happy about getting older and losing mobility and independence (who would be??) This resistance manifests itself in so many ways: withdrawal or giving up, uncontrolled anger, abusive language, resentment, etc.
Have you thought of narrowing his choices for him? ie: "Dad, you need medical attention. Would you rather go to the family doc or to the emergency room? No, there are no other choices; chose one."
It is so hard for caregivers to have the distance that most medical people have. I admire it in a way. They can be totally dispassionate about the people they care for because they know that emotion can get in the way. Unfortunately, we cannot have that distance.
Off the cuff, I would suggest doing what is best for his health...and ignore the silent treatment. He will get over the pouting...he may not get over a neglected illness.
good luck....
Lilli
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