How do I get my dad to understand that I cant pay for half the bills and take care of both of them?

shirley1957, so many times our parents want to keep their lifestyle but we need to change our own in order to help them.

Do you live with your parents? If yes, once you move in with your parents the dynamics change... you are once again the "child" and they are the "adults". They still view you as a kid, not realizing you need to work to build up your own retirement fund.

Sometimes we need to step back and stop enabling our parents. Start working more days. And if your parents need to have you do something, say "sorry, I just can't possibly do that" [practice saying in the mirror]. It won't be easy, your Dad will probably do the guilt dance.

Usually we have to wait for a medical emergency to happen before our parents realize they need to hire caregivers. Or downsize into senior living.

If the original idea was that you would live with them and pay half the expenses you already started off holding the sh***y end of the stick, since the two of them should have paid 2/3 to your 1/3. Is it that they have no money, or is it that they feel you owe them and won't untie the purse strings? If it is the latter you might present them with an invoice of the time spent on various tasks and what the cost would be to hire in outsiders. If they won't be moved you may want to step back and allow them to do without your free services, have the numbers ready for taxi services etc. Can you increase the number of days you work?

Dear Shirley,

I'm so sorry for what you are going through. Its always hard to talk to our parents. I know you love your parents and want to help them. Sounds like there is a lot on you right now.

Maybe check with a social worker or access some community supports and see what type of financial assistance is available to your dad. I know its hard. You are only working two days a week and I know the financial responsibilities escalate quickly.

Also considering talking to a counselor or joining a support group for caregivers. I never realized how many emotions there was going to be being my dad's full time caregiver. I wanted to be superwoman and do it all, but it was too much. I really wish I had found a better balance.

Take care of yourself the best you can. And I hope you can find the help you need. Thinking of you.

Is there some kind of cognitive decline with your dad? If so, he may never get on board or see how the money situation works with you providing care. If he is still competent, can you get a written contract for how the money, bills, work load is covered. Maybe, that would satisfy him. If not, I'm not sure you can make him understand. If he doesn't see the equity in how it's working, you might put him in contact with professionals to do these tasks and he can see what they would charge.
If he has dementia, he's not going to get it.  I'd work on distraction, comforting him, etc.  I assume he's not still managing his own bills.  So, how does he know who's paying what?