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My dad tells me to do things instead of asking, and there are times when I cannot do what he wants me to do in that moment, and other times what he wants me to do is not going to help a situationThe issue is my dad can't converse. He can tell great stories but can't hold a conversation, it always reverts back to him. My wife calls it "I / my syndrome". , and in fact make it more difficult. I try to talk to him and explain things, but there are times when I am running against time and there is not enough time to explain things to him. For instance, my mother had a small fire get out of control in the yard, while waiting for the fire department, we were busy beating the fire down and putting water where we could. my dad, being elderly and sick, could not help, and sat in a chair on the porch yelling at me to go to this area instead of the area I was at, when I needed to finish the area I was at in order to make that area not flame up again. This was a stressful situation to begin with, and my dad's yelling was just making it worse. How do I make him understand that I can judge a situation for myself, and may see things that he doesn't about the situation at hand, and he needs to trust me?

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Have you sat down with your father and talked to him about how you feel? That it would be easier and nicer if he would ask nicely rather than order you around? In your profile it doesn't say your father has dementia so maybe he would receptive to your request.

If you've tried but nothing has changed then try to change how you react to your dad. If he's always been this way he's not likely to change now and if he's always been this way it probably isn't personal, it's just his way of doing things. It could be that he still sees you as a child with no life experience of your own to draw from. My daughter is 22 years old. She lives on her own in an apartment and is a senior in college and there are times when she'll say something or offer an opinion and I am reminded that she is a grown woman and I find myself wondering when she grew up! I still see her as my little girl who needs her mommy and she's not that little girl anymore.

Try talking to your dad about how you feel. The fire you wrote about sounds like it must have been very stressful for everyone. Could it be that your dad felt useless and frustrated in that moment because he couldn't help? Maybe his bossiness stems from a feeling of a lack of control over his life. Not that his behavior should be excused but it may have little to do with you and more to do with his feeling of inadequacy.
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acnesbit, don't forget we are the "kids" and what do we know !! This dynamic can continue even if you are in your 70's and your parents are in their 90's. It's best to just grin and bear it. Try to find some humor, like when he was yelling on what to do with the outside fire, just think blah-blah-blah and smile.
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I have been in your shoes.....for that personality of father, they are going to try to tell you how to do everything until the day they pass. There is no easy answer and I feel your stress. You have to learn to think on your feet and ask them for information to keep them out of your way.....in your instance I would have asked him to go inside and check the weather to find out what way the wind would blow the fire! You just have to forge ahead and make your own decisions to save your own sanity.
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