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Hello friends. Dad is not wealthy by all means, but has a retirement of sorts and social security. He's been in and out of hospitals, now skilled nursing through out this summer. I've noticed everywhere he goes he targets a woman, or even two, he feels he can manipulate with money, and he actually does accomplish this sadly, then bribes her or them with cash tips, insisting they take it, of course they do, then he tells them he wants to hire them to take care of him. Because he targets the types who would take money from an elderly man, it works. Then the women start flirting with him, which is obvious, this is when I can tell things are going bad, then he tells me he wants to hire that woman to take care of him when he goes home. Then the woman gets an attitude towards me because she knows it's not right and I won't approve.

This is the third time it's happened at a facility and he is really getting ready to go home this time too. I'm DPOA for him, so the only people getting hired, are ones I hire, but I can't take care of him because I work about 35 hours a week, have my own home and have a daughter living with me and I know if I allow this, he'll cash out his retirement and write any woman who will do this a check basically, or just cash it and give her cash every week till it's gone, basically she'd get double pay. I know even if I go through a company for home health care, this will happen again, he has an eye for a lower class frankly. The most recent incident was last week, he called my brother and asked him to bring him cash. He did not call me because I'm DPOA for him and he knew I wouldn't fall for this. Brother took him 200.00. Brother called me after the fact, and wanted to know why Dad needed cash, I said he didn't, he gets everything he needs. Brother insistently got mad, said he is bribing people again? I said if that's what you want to call it, it probably went to his two nurses. Brother is angry, I'm angry. I go to Dad, he claims brother never came out, is too cheap to pay for the gas for the drive, but the day nurse was obviously flirting with dad, freaked when she saw me, left and then didn't come back to his room, when she normally would have. I'm thinking on reporting this, but I can't prove it. Any creative ideas on controlling dads behavior, keeping him from doing this, or overall protecting his funds from him actually getting to it after he gets back home would be greatly appreciated. He is a womanizer. I'm thinking about hiring all men if I can for home health care if it's possible.

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If you are DPOA and the DPOA has been invoked legally, then go to bank and transfer money to new account or new bank that is in your name only. Have a small account in dad and your name if necessary where you can transfer funds as needed. Lock up or cancel credit cards, ATM, etc.

You should be the one to hire home care, not dad. Do so thru a reputable liscenced and insured agency and call references. Monitor the situation. You can't stop dad from flirting or giving away money, but you can control how much by limiting his available funds.

If he is reasonable, tell him how much he is paying for their services and how much it will add up if he has to continue the care full time or move to a care facility. My experience is that seniors are pretty cheap and have no idea what the big picture costs can be over several yrs.
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As DPOA you should be in charge of his finances. For paying his bills (with his money). Your dad should have no reason to have a checkbook or cash laying around.

I am a nurse in home healthcare and I work for an agency. We have a strict policy about not accepting cash or gifts from patients. I had a little old lady I cared for a few times and she'd try to give me cash at the end of my shift and not only did I not take it but I tried to explain to her that she shouldn't be offering it because other nurses might take it. Then I reported this to my office.

Cut your dad off from cash completely because some people you hire will take it. If your hire from an agency (as I think everyone should because with an agency you have someone to go to if you're having problems with one of their staff) let the agency know that your dad does this and that it's become a very serious problem. If you are aware of this and the agency is aware of this, if the person you hire takes money (or valuables or whatever) the person you hire not only has to answer to you but to their own agency. It's just another safeguard to put into place to keep your dad from being taken advantage of.
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Sell the car. Time to take away keys and money card. How? By doing it. Its very awkward, but you have to bire the bullet and do it. You are going to be the bad guy, just accept it. He's no longer capable and that's what you have to remind yourself. Not easy, at all.
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Thanks for your ideas. It's a tough situation. Dad physically can't even get in a car on his own so we're not worried about him driving, my brother and I will not take him to the bank. I've removed the valuable from the house, as well as his check book. I have the only key to his PO box. I'm also going to get a statement from his doctor and the therapist at the nursing facility stating where is memory and reasoning is at, at this time. They've been texting him weekly. He got my brother to bring him cash, and what he did with it is obvious to us, but no proof of course. My fear is that once I get home health care in the house, he'll do this number on one of them to get them to do whatever he wants for cash in hand, who will then drive him to his bank where he'll get the teller to give him cash out of his checking. His bank has a copy of the DPOA, I'm thinking about providing them a copy of letter from the doc if I can get it, and tell them to not give him cash if he shows up with anyone besides me or my brother. I don't know if I can legally do that through the bank though. I can screen and monitor the home health aides as well, but nothing is full proof. The fact is Dad lives in a house that needs work, and he needs his money to pay his utilities, taxes and insurance on his home. I'm going to tell his docs that he thinks he needs to bribe healthcare workers to take care of him, who are already taking care of him, that'll help me to get that letter to his mental capacity.
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I agree with Jeanne ... where is he getting checks and money from? It's obvious he can't handle money properly, close off his access to it! Leave him with a few dollars if he insists, (like $5!) Remove checks and other valuables before you hire caregivers. Change the mailing address for statements to your home. And I would mention it to the facility but in a round about way. For example, Director of Nursing or care --- my Dad has a history of offering money to caregivers. Can you describe your policy for employees on this subject? This would clearly be against any regulations at a responsible facility. Ditto for him offering positions to an employee.
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Do not let them release him, do not let him drive a car. If he is bouncing back and forth from home to nursing home, he cannot take care of himself. Talk to his discharge planner and make it clear he cannot live on his own. If he is incompetent, the MD should be able to help.
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It sounds like you are in charge of his money. How would he be getting cash for this purpose once he gets home?
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