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My father (89) and has had dementia for probably close to ten years. I finally took him to a neurologist. He was diagnosed almost a years ago. The neurologist evaluated him and stated he was in the mid stages of Alzheimer's disease. When I looked into the stages, I believe has most of the symptoms of stage 5 of the disease.
He lives alone. For several years I have been doing my best to let him live the life he is used to. But, it is taking a toll on me.
For instance: I have to make sure there is some type of food in his home. But, I can only buy items that can be left out on his counter. In the past I have purchased perishable items, put them in the fridge, told him it was there, and then watched it all spoil. He has been wearing the same clothes for years, and fights me when I tell him they are dirty and he needs to wear something else. So, I have to replace the items he wears. I buy the exact same items and try to convince him to put them on. For several years I have had to open his mail box and his mail and make sure the bills get paid, etc. He no longer takes care of his home, a building he owns, or his car (yes, he still drives) I could go on and on, but I think you get the picture.
When we approach the subject of assisted living he becomes very angry.
So, my question is, does he have to agree to go into assisted living? How bad do his symptoms have to get before I can just place him into a facility? Do I wait until he hurts himself? Or becomes incontinent? (which could very well be happening, I have found pants in his home with crystallized urine)
I have never dealt with anything like this. I don't know what to expect next. All the doctors tell me is that he shouldn't drive any longer and to do what I can to preserve his dignity.
By the way did I mention he is still working? He has not made money for several years. He keeps taking exorbitant amounts of money from his saving to keep the business open. But, he not only thinks he is making money, he does not remember taking the monies out of his accounts. We have sat down with his accountant on several occasions. But, within seconds the entire conversation is forgotten.
It absolutely frustrating.
Any feedback would be greatly appreciated.


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This sounds just shy of a train wreck. You are going to have to take drastic action pretty soon. With his dementia you are not going to be able to reason with him or convince him to make any changes. Even if you did he would forget in short order and you'd be back to square one. The same thing applies to trying to convince him he has dementia. Don't wear yourself out and get him upset. It's of absolutely no use at this point.

Do you have poa? At this point you may need to start the guardianship process to have him declared mentally incompetent. It's not easy. Read about it on this site.

You could also contact APS and see if they will take any action on his behalf. People have mixed results with this. Again, lots of info on the forum.

Or you may have to get tough and just do what has to be done to save the business, get him into care etc. Depending on his level of dementia sometimes a little Theraputic fibbing can help.



Failing this you're left with option A or B above.
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Sorry - the keyboard is jumping around this morning and posted before I even started.

Kaem, I recall posts by someone whose father was pouring funds into an unprofitable business, so I searched your screen name and found these:

https://www.agingcare.com/search.aspx?searchterm=kaem63.

I don't have time now to review each of those posts and the answers, so I'll address just one issue, that raised in this post's question, how to get your father in AL when he's in denial of a dementia diagnosis.

First, I'm not sure that AL is the appropriate level of care.

Second, shift the justification from him to you. Explain that you're exhaused, have health problems, and can't take care of him any longer. This is always like skating on thin ice b/c it could cause a panic in him if he thinks he's being abandoned. So you'll have to reassure him you'll still be helping him, but you just can't do it without help.

The problem is that he may not be able to comprehend what you're saying, as there seems to be a lot of denial, or confusion, in his ability to assess reality.

My mind is a bit slowed down from the heat, so I don't have a lot of good answers, but I know others here will. I just would not emphasize his dementia as it probably only makes him feel the need to prove that he's not suffering from it and can still control his life and business.
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Kaem
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