My mom is post-stroke and has temper issues herself. Because of her aphasia, she cusses everyone out a lot and even hits people. But she genuinely can't help it. Occasionally she will have accidents and not make it to the bathroom when she refuses to go to the bathroom. My father is very hovery and is constantly talking and lecturing and worrying over her (which has always been his personality, but it is worsened by having someone who is dependent on him) and I think part of the reason she is so irrational is to spite him for not letting her have more control over her own life.
Thats just some background to the tension in the house, the main issue is that when my mom has an accident or something goes wrong, my dad will lose his temper and start cussing her out and demeaning her for it and reminding her that she is dependent on him.
He won't listen to anyone when he flies off the handle like this he just keeps saying really terrible things to her and will do it for 10, 15 minutes straight and its honestly really terrifying. If a rehab nurse acted the way he does, they'd be fired in a minute.
Ive sent him info for a therapist before but it just never happened. Ive tried explaining to him multiple things: she cant help it, yelling at her wont solve anything, yes she cusses at you but you shouldnt be on her level, she cusses at me but I never cuss back at her... I can sometimes make him snap out of it but I cant be there all the time and my energy does have a limit on it (I am a busy college student who lives at home).
Anyone dealt with something similar before? Because the bathroom is the most inflammatory issue, I have been mostly just trying to fix that but she cant help but have accidents sometimes.