We can't get our aunt to shower or brush her teeth without a battle. Any advice?

She has dementia and is in stage 6. It's like trying to get your 11 year old son to bathe and brush his teeth. She sees the dentist every 6 months so there are no dental issues. She is very agile for 70, and has no fear of falling. She just doesn't like being told what to do and argues with her caregivers. She tells all of us the same thing "I showered this morning." But we know that she didn't. Left to her own devices she sleeps in her clothes and would wear the same thing for days without showering.

My mom thinks 10 seconds a day is more than enough teeth brushing. She says she and her sisters never even had toothbrushes when they were growing up in rural England in the 1930s. But she grew up without much sugar. Her teeth are better than anyone might expect; at least, she still has some though they are far from perfect. She loves to boast about her teeth. I sure don't have any influence in this department.

In fact, my own teeth hygiene routine is under attack. I grew up with sugar, too much of it, and very little brushing. I had a toothbrush, but she still didn't think toothbrushing mattered very much. I ended up with fillings in almost every tooth and in adulthood developed a teeth hygiene routine lasting 20-30 minutes a day. It works but I am harassed, nagged and insulted when I do it when I visit my mother. She thinks tooth decay is a moral failing. Why every little thing has to be turned into a struggle, I don't know. She loves putting people down and feeling superior. So I am always glad to get back to my own home and some sanity.

Is the bathroom warm enough? Older folks get cold a lot easier than we do, and just undressing to prepare for the shower can chill her to the point of being uncomfortable. Try to find a way to keep her warm, such as wearing a bathrobe right into the shower and putting towels around her to keep her warm.

Perhaps she's also uncomfortable standing in a shower - if you're involved I'm assuming she has some physical or medical limitations or both, so I'm wondering if she's afraid of falling.

There are bath assistive chairs that extend out over the bathtub so she could sit down outside the tub, lift her legs inside the tub and slide over closer to the center of the tub for her shower - she doesn't have to stand to get in the tub for the shower.

Perhaps she has a bad tooth and it hurts to brush, so that is why she avoids it. I would see if you can get her to a dentist. If she is in a care facility, sometimes they have visiting dentists that come to the facility to see patients.

Her MD can order an OT to come in and make sure the bathroom has proper grab bars and safety mats and show her how to safely get things done. Make the call.