The 90-year-old in question is my MIL's live-in boyfriend. They live independently in a home they jointly own, about five hours away from my husband and myself.
Three months ago, MIL informed me that her boyfriend starts drinking in the morning and continues throughout the day. She says he does this because "he's old, all his friends are dead, and he's lost the will to live." I think he does it because he's an alcoholic, but whatever.
MIL also said that she frequently sleeps on the floor next to him because he falls out of bed and can't get up. When that happens, she brings him a bottle to pee in because he can't make it to the bathroom. Charming, right? On one occasion when the EMTs were called, she said they told her he fell because he was drunk. After that, she no longer called an ambulance when he fell, because boyfriend was "embarrassed" by being labeled a drunk.
Another time, she told my husband that she and the boyfriend got into an argument in the liquor aisle at the grocery store because he wanted to buy a large bottle of booze, while she wanted him to have a smaller one, in order to try and control his drinking.
I don't have much contact with the boyfriend, as he isn't very sociable and tends to stay in his study when my husband and I are visiting MIL, but the one time that he went out to dinner with us, about fifteen years ago, he fell off of his chair. MIL said he had an inner ear problem, but I strongly suspect he was drunk.
One of his daughters, who lives about five minutes from them, took away his truck last summer because she didn't think he should drive. However, he continued to drive one of my MILs cars. (MIL is wealthy, the boyfriend is not. She pays him $1,000 a month to live with her. Draw your own conclusions.)
When I found out he was driving MIL's car, I was alarmed because he's very frail, can barely walk five feet unassisted, is almost deaf, and from what MIL said, he's drunk pretty much 24/7. In short, I don't think he should be endangering himself and others by being behind the wheel of a car.
I talked it over with my husband, and he agreed that the DOT should be contacted with an eye to reviewing whether his license should be revoked. I did so anonymously, with the understanding that if the boyfriend wanted to pursue it, he could find out who reported him. Well, he did. And now he's freaking out, as is the daughter who took his truck away. She insists that my reporting her father as a "falling-down drunk" has shamed their family. She took her father to a new doctor, who apparently says he should be allowed to drive. She also told my husband that steps are being taken to control her father's drinking.
The cherry on top of this messy, unappetizing hot fudge sundae is that now my MIL has completely reversed what she told me just three months ago, about how her boyfriend is drunk all the time, and now she insists that he used to drink, but he hasn't had a drop in fifteen years. I swear, I feel like I'm living in Bizarro World whenever I'm around her. She says he's sometimes "not compos mentis," but he should be allowed to drive because he loves to drive and he's never had an accident that was his fault.
So now the boyfriend's daughter is furious with me. Her father is furious with me, and my MIL refuses to acknowledge what she herself said about his drinking being a serious problem. I just can't anymore with these people.
So, what to do now? I did my best, and if he kills himself or somebody else when he's driving drunk it's out of my hands, but I just feel so frustrated with these people. Should I just walk away and let whatever happens happen, or should I at least try and find out if he has car insurance, so my MIL won't get sued if he runs into somebody when he's driving one of her cars?