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I said I was going to throw some deli fighter for the Shiva when people came to the house after the funeral. The neighbor that lived across the street from us when we are growing up objected. She said to give mom more respect. I will tell you her ideas. Is she correct? I've never done this before. We need platters. Bought or me make up. She is providing a desert platter from a bakery. I should put a tablecloth on the dining room table. My brother should wear a suit or at least a sports jacket at the funeral. This would be normal except my brother is not normal. And she knows it. Barbara

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I dont belong to shul. Not religious. Mom hasn't gone for many years even though she was religious. We only had 13 people at funeral. And not many came back to the house. One person brought a desert platter. The others not at all religious. Maybe didn't know they should bring food.
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Cap is off his meds again, or maybe he's had too many....
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Cap, familiarize us with grieving in your neck of the woods. Shouldn't somebody be donating some ebelskivers and homemade sausage? Isn't there a special jug of secret recipe for an occasion like this?
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AVEL ?
does that mean bulldoze some palestinians ' homes and orchards or siphon off their life giving water ? i came to terms a long time ago with being banned from this site so dont piss on my back and tell me its raining .
i dont roll over .
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Barbara, as an AVEL, ( mourner, in Hebrew) YOU are not supposed to do anything. Your community is supposed to provide for you during shiva. Please Google " traditional Jewish Shiva or Jewish mourning practises. Do you have a family rabbi? Do you belong to a shul?

Your neighbor is wrongheaded. In your position, i would show up tomorrow at the synagogue you belong to, or the one closest to where you are right now. There is usually a person assigned to greet new folks, if not, speak to the rabbi. Tell them that you lost your mom this week. At my shul, you would be treated well.
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pam ,
i like to picture you in a deerskin loincloth .
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so do you know how copper wire was invented ?
two jews fighting over a penny .
just kidding in my usual poor timing way .
i didnt attend my aunt ednas funeral and the family didnt even question that . i was there as a best friend for a couple of her last years of life .
in her words " we had fun " .
i dont give a dam about societies' expectations .
society is maligned .
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Makeup and a suit? Good grief I don't even own a dress. Yes she is being very invasive.
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Maybe I am old school, but don't friends and family bring the food? Out of respect for the bereaved?
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Yes, we are Jewish. My neighbor is also Jewish.
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Barbara, was your mother Jewish? Is your neighbor? (Shiva is a Jewish custom.)

If you or your mother has/had a tablecloth, placing it on the table would be a nice gesture. This isn't exactly out of "respect" for your mother, but a way to share your best with her friends.

Your brother should wear his best clothes, clean and pressed.

You should wear a nice outfit. If you own something your mother liked you in, such as a pin or necklace, consider wearing that.

Here are some things to consider:

If the funeral is in a church, there is usually an organization within the church that will handle a post-funeral reception for you.

You are not required to provide food at all. In many communities it is traditional but it is not mandatory at all.
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