Follow
Share

I am caring for my father that lives in my sister's home. My sister is always angry when we talk about my father. She says he's faking his symptoms and that I enable it because whenever he calls, I run to help or resolve the issue. I often arrive at my sister's home to find it dirty and no food for my father to eat. I would run to buy some groceries, spending my own money, only to be met with criticism over what I bought (nevermind an offer to repay). To make matters worse, she calls my other sister and is completely different. The two of them agree on stuff and get along really well. My other sister is distant and doesn't see the day to day problems I get called about. So my distant sister thinks I'm over reacting.

I ask the group. is this normal among siblings trying to care for an aging parent? I am at the point where I want to distance myself as well because I am wearing thin with running to resolve issues and then being criticized by my sisters when all I'm trying to do is help care for Dad. What to do? I'm at the end of my rope :-(

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
me and mom were trippin balls and they werent. suckers !!
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

ah, jealous sisters. mine narced me out to the nurse for cutting up moms used fentanyl patches and licking them. duhh. the nurse knew my kind of bs from day 1. she also knew the sisters were jealous pricks.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

What kind of physical and mental shape is your dad in? How old is he and what is his level of mobility? Is he calling you for help or do you jump in with a problem-solver's mindset (which I have in spades so that's not a criticism) when he calls you? Have you always gotten along with your sisters, or have you always had issues? Since you're calling yourself the Redheaded Step Child, I'm thinking this pattern is an old one in your family? Can your dad get around or is he pretty immobile? And finally, how did your dad wind up with your sister? Some of these answers will help us understand more about your situation.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

You wrote, "My other sister is distant and doesn't see the day to day problems I get called about. So my distant sister thinks I'm over reacting...." It is highly possible your distant sister is believing the sister-in-denial partly because she wants to and partly because she is not there. You might win an ally by speaking to distant sister - maybe in person, maybe with the pictures and evidence of your dad's decline, not in order to take over or criticise sister -in-denial - make excuses for her even, e.g. "she just does not want to believe Dad is having problems"), but
for her to know, for her to come visit while things are still relatively good, and so she knows "why" if you get the POA and make sister-in-denial mad, and you will both need her support...

Sigh. Welcome to the club, where the learning curve for so many things you never wanted to know is SO steep...
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Thank you!!!
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

RedHead, a Power of Attorney is a legal document that your dad signs giving someone the legal right to make decisions on his behalf. With a "POA" in place the person named on the document can access his financial information, speak to the Dr. about your dad's health, and just generally act in your dad's behalf. An extension of the POA is the Healthcare POA (called different things depending upon where you live) and this gives the person named the right to make all healthcare decisions in the event your dad is unable to make those decisions for himself. I was my dad's POA and his healthcare POA and he had hepatic encephalitis which rendered him incapable of making sound and logical decisions about his own health. That's a game-changer.

How do you get a POA? You can take your dad to an elder law attorney. Believe it or not OfficeMax has the forms that you'd have to fill out yourself and have notarized once your dad signs it in front of a notary. My dad had a POA and healthcare POA drawn up years before he needed it and I think it was done with an attorney but the POA itself is a very simple document. If you can't afford a lawyer you might be able to download one on LegalZoom.com (for a fee) but your dad would have to sign it in the presence of a notary.

A POA and a healthcare POA are vital tools to have when we're caring for our parents. When my dad became very ill his POA's opened many doors to me so that I could take care of his business. And when he became unable to make decisions about his own care the healthcare POA granted me the power to make those decisions for him.

If your sisters are keeping you out of the loop would you be able to obtain a POA for your dad? Could your sister already be his POA?

Good luck!
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

What does his doctor say about his symptoms? Have you been able to go to an appointment with him?
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Power of Attorney. She needs one. NOW.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

I'm new at this. What is POA?

Thank you for your answers!!! I will take your advice and start doing my homework and itemizing.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

You need to document and take videos of what you are seeing, scan your receipts, document your activities as it relates to caregiving. Send email to siblings with videos, pictures and excel spreadsheet of expenses.

Come up with a plan for adequate care for dad. Do you know his monthly income? Who has POA? Any money of his being spent should be itemized.

Do your homework.

If your siblings continue to be neglectful, report them to adult protective services.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

You need to call Adult Protective Services. What she is doing is elder abuse (no food). Don't put yourself in the middle of disputes unless they affect his health. Also, if you go over ( and nasty sister isn't there), take pictures of the house, food situation. It sounds like he'd do better in a care facility than with your sister.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.