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A gardener is taking advantage of my 83 year old mother. He's very sweet and his work is excellent. He showers her with affection and praise. He doesn't tell her how much to pay him, which is good and bad. She ends up paying thousands of dollars for work that should only cost a few hundred. She paid $20,000 on him in one year, and he didn't do nearly that much work.
I suggested a rate but she didn't listen. He always has financial emergencies and of course she pays toward them. My sister caught them kissing (though he's married, she's divorced) and caught him squeezing her butt. He seems to have cast a spell over her.
What can we do? She's not willing to listen to reason when it comes to him.

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He’s taking advantage . The same thing happened with my friend’s mother . Her trusted handy man started doing extra favors , like driving the woman to the store or to get her hair done . The woman wrote him ridiculous very large checks , telling her daughter “ he needs money “ , for various issues .

My friend threatened to get the attorney general after him . He disappeared after that . The woman of course had undiagnosed dementia at the time .
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Reply to waytomisery
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How old is this gardener? Is there a man (unfortunately sometimes men only understand other men!) who can have a "friendly" talk with him??? Mom doesn't need to know why he suddenly isn't available anymore! I think that's what my brother or husband would do...

Sorry you are dealing with this.
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Reply to casole
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Technically, if your Mom isn't impaired, then this is none of your business. But when she runs out of money and then needs caregiving services or a facility, she will be SOL and you shouldn't rescue her.

If it were my Mother, then without her present, I'd tell this guy that I know he is overcharging her and that I'll report him for elder abuse if he doesn't get lost and never come back. Then find a way to block his number on her phone.
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Reply to Geaton777
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pamzimmrrt Aug 18, 2025
The only problem I see here is he doesn't tell her what to pay, according to the OP. So accusing him of overcharging could be a problem.
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Clearly your mother is paying for something other than gardening from her gardener. If she's got money and is still in control of her own life and finances, she can spend it however she chooses and good for her. If she wants to pay a landscaping gigolo to pay attention to her, she would not be the first or last to do so.

If she'll let you take over her finances, you should. Just so she doesn't end up broke. If she refuses, that's not on you.
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Reply to BurntCaregiver
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Imaginegirl Aug 18, 2025
You just said what she'd say... It's her money, which I understand.

At the very least, I'm going to stop using his services and tell him I don't appreciate how he treats her.
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Does your mother have a medical and financial POA appointed? Does she suffer from dementia? If she has POA appointed, fire this gardener, take over her finances and that's the end of the nonsense.

At the very least, you need to have a talk with this gardener. He needs to charge her a flat monthly rate which is reasonable, starting immediately, or you will report him to the police for elder abuse. No kissing, no sob stories about needing money or having issues, just gardening and that's it. I think he'll quit once you threaten him with calling the police though.

Best of luck to you.
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Reply to lealonnie1
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Imaginegirl Aug 18, 2025
Thank you for your advice. I really appreciate it.

Do you think this would anger her beyond repair?
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