I'm so frustrated with my life. I'm so alone. I'm the sole caregiver of my Grandmother. Any other "grandchildren" caregivers?

I am 38 too! I just happened to stumble on this site this morning. So it is my first post ever. I haven't worked in a LONG time! I am so sorry that you are having a hard time. I am a brandnew caregiver for my husband's grandmother so she is my grandmother-in-law. She just moved in last month after we moved her from all her friends and home of 50 years! She has never fallen and she fell last week because she lost her balance. We have a good relationship but you are right, it has changed now because now I am telling her to do things..it is weird! I never thought I'd be saying, "Grandma drink your water, eat this, use your walker, etc." But, apparently, that is what I have to do! But, I can't MAKE her drink water or eat or use her walker and she is losing weight. Dr.'s visits are very hard on me with two children at home, 6 and 9, it is very hard to put them anywhere so that I can take her to the Dr. We are homeschooling them because that was the best way to care for grandma and not be stuck on the school schedule. I am a teacher. The thing that I most empathize with you is that I was really getting sad because I really needed to get a job now because of the new house (which has an extra bedroom) and school loans but thankfully, grandma of her own offering-I never asked, is now giving me a generous support money every month and that is really helping us. However, she had the money to give. If she did not, it would be very hard on me. I literally was just able to go buy the kids their winter clothes and now we can eat this month! We are a homeschooling family of 4 with two younger children. If not for that I would be right where you are-struggling to get by and feeling "stuck". My only question is: can you get her on "life alert" system and then go to work nearby? You said that she is fully capable. I have also found that a weekly "date" with a close girlfriend has helped me adjust and feel more sane. It sounds like you are feeling lonely. I will be praying that you also get the emotional and financial support that you need. It is a very difficult situation for both of you and I can hear that you are suffering because your family doesn't support you either. I want to encourage you because you are really doing the right thing even when your family is not. Please hang in there and don't ever lose hope or give up!

What is keeping you there? I don't mean to seem harsh, but people can't take advantage of you, unless you let them. I understand where your dad is coming from. He is probably reaching retirement age, himself. Your grandmother needs to make some plans for her long term care. Have you discussed that with her?

I cared for both of my Grandparents. I will always be glad that I did. I know it is not easy, find some support in a support group or contact a home care agency for some respite care. This would help you have some time away for yourself. I know that is important, please try to take care of you too.

Thanks, although again I'm unique even from this article. I'm 38 and have spent the last 5 years caring for her. That translates to me spending most of my 30's with income restrictions and "living" freedom restricted. I don't have retirement and am a losing precious time and freedom with my teenagers. I tried to hire a non-medical help from an agency but they want a time commitment that isn't needed because of her abilities. I don't want this job anymore and can't get out of it. My friends say that I'm so lucky to have my grandma and she's lucky to have me. Although it's a romantic thought... It makes me angry and sad at the same time. I feel no "luck" in this situation. I've lost the relationship of a grandparent since I'm now the one ''bossing" her. I've lost my freedom to live in the prime of my life.

Don't feel sorry for the "rant" - you have every right to all of your feelings. We can't fix your situation but we can listen and give some advice.

Your dad's attitude is particularly disturbing. Do you know any of his friends who could talk to him? Since your grandmother has her full capabilities, you should tell her you are going with friends and then do so. Then let your dad know that she will be alone for the evening or whenever you are gone. Put some of the responsibility back on him.

You may want to read this article:

https://www.agingcare.com/articles/grandchildren-caring-for-their-grandparents-149490.htm I hope it can give you some comfort if nothing else.

Please try to take care of yourself,

Carol