Frustrated by sister collaborating with terrified mom to refuse care. Any thoughts?

The 26 week regimen is taxol and other chemo for 13 weeks, then an easy 1/2 hr treatment the next 13 26 total appts for the full regimen, any part of it helps

thank you all who replied, Mom's mood has changed suddenly now that my sister is gone, It's my moms house and she can have any guests she likes, but my sister has crossed a line encouraging Mom to refuse care. It took me 15 minutes from my sister's departure to have her all ready to go for the 6 month treatment. This is what overwhelmed people do... The best decision anyone can make right now is to go to the follow up stich removal from the operation, seek out support from the cancer center she's being treated by, maybe a consult or 2 from the social worker, and MD, and keep my know it all sister far away from the proceedings

I would question the onset of the weight gain and her being more neurotic than usual. Do u think she may have some Dementia? It will worsen an already problem and the weight gain could mean she forgets she has already eaten.

I guess 78 makes a little difference. Read a previous post and see Mom has breast cancer. I have a friend that had a lumpectomy and is now taking a pill for the next 5 yrs. Not sure if she finally went thru radiation. No chemo though, the pill takes the place of that. I know a couple of woman opted for a lumpectomy and radiation only.

PS Just read that sister is an RN. And it looks like Mom is in for a major operation. Breast removed and lymph nodes. Its scary and a lot of rehab. She may need therapy. Doctor has given u the upside, but has he given you the downside. If he hasn't he has to. People have sued because doctor didn't give both sides of outcome.

I think it's up to your mother entirely as to whether she wants to spend SIX MONTHS undergoing chemotherapy, if that's what the '26 week regimen' is that you're talking about. At 88 years old, that's an awful lot to put a person's body through.

My cousin was diagnosed with stage 4 brain cancer in 2013 at the age of 40, with 5 young children. He underwent brain surgery and several rounds of chemo in short order. He said NEVER AGAIN to brain surgery and to chemo. He's still alive in 2020 and doing fairly well, all things considered. He's decided to let nature take its course instead.

Your mother may very well have made that same decision, and frankly, you can't blame her. If that's the case, work on accepting it and honoring her wishes. It's tough, I know. Sending you my best wishes and a big hug, too.

P.S. Your profile shows your mom's age as 88; you are saying here she's 78.......?

What does the 26 week regimen consist of and what is the long term prognosis?

Mum is 78 years old, she will die sooner than later. If she goes through 26 weeks of treatment what is her life quality for those 26 weeks? What is her life expectancy with or without treatment?

What are Mum's options if she agrees to Palliative care or Hospice?

I know my Mum who is 85 would refuse cancer treatment. She has had a long healthy life and would not want to go through the side effects of chemo and radiation to extend her life any longer. I am also Mum's Health Representative and I would respect her wishes.

Please correct your Mum's age in your profile.

I’m so sorry, this must be so upsetting. But I have to ask, have you considered your moms quality of life? Have you thought about what she will endure going through 5 months of cancer treatment? She is 78 years old. Cancer treatment isn’t all sunshine & rainbows. It can make her very sick and weak. It’s not always the cancer that kills people, sometimes it’s the treatment because it makes them so sick and week (if that makes sense). I am just wondering if your sister is considering what 5 months of treatment will do to your mom and what her quality of life will be. What is her quality of life now? Does she have dementia/Alzheimer’s?

she is 78 and only recently has become obese and more neurotic than usual, the last 6 months has been an ever increasing abdication of all responsibility, now she has given up, except for "trying the first treatment" to see how it goes, I'm actually OK with her refusing treatment if she at least does it in a way that doesn't include literally a 24 hr waiting period after the oncology consult. She literally did so with my sister who has never once brought her to a drs appt, and who would just as soon get on with it.

When the cure rare is that high, doctors will press hard for compliance with a treatment regime. Of course, you want to weigh the side effects against the results. But if you truly can get a 95% chance of a total cure, the doctor may be a great ally for you. I wouldn't argue with your sister. I would get the doctor's office involved. Do they have a social worker on staff? He or she might be able to guide your mother's decision. Best of luck!

I know things have improved since my sister died in 1996 and my Aunt in 1999. But they went thru hell and only lived a year after going thru all the treatments. I've always wondered how long they would have lived without that horrible chemo. If they had opted for just removing what they could, some radiation and forgone the chemo. Chemo takes a toll on ur body. Sometimes causing other lifelong problems. My sister sick for a week after each treatment. She was 43 my Aunt 80. Does Mom have any signs of Dementia? If so, anesthesia may worsen it. Being 88 and overweight I am surprised the doctor even recommends it.

If Mom has weighted all the options and she doesn't want to go thru it all, why should she. She is 88.