I left home at an early age due to neglect...yet in my middle age have been repeatedly pulled in to help my father as he dealt with the outcomes of poor financial decisions, and stubbornly resisted adjusting to age-related conditions.
He suffered a stroke this month and is being discharged into a nursing home.
I live several thousand miles away and arranged for that nursing home placement, for which I am financially responsible.
I expect he will be very unhappy, but he is bedridden and unable to return to his home, which is in need of significant repairs. He took out a reverse mortgage on it years back, and it is very poorly maintained.
He has no assets and lives on Social Security in a state where children are legally obligated to support elderly parents, and where Medicaid assistance for nursing home care is severely limited.
My sibling and I had each “moved” him to our respective states during past crises, and “set him up”, but he chose to go back to his home state after either a year or a few months...despite our concerns about lack of equivalent services, difficulty in our helping him there, etc.
“It’s my life,” he said each time. “And I’ll live it my way.”
Because of this, my sibling pretty much stopped talking to him a few years ago, and I feel the weight of his care primarily on my shoulders.
I dread the next phone call or text requiring I scramble through another hoop.
I fret about his situation before I fall asleep, and think about it when I wake up.
And I keep ping ponging between “shoulds” and trying to accept “it is what it is” instead.
I also appreciate being able to share my thoughts and struggles in this forum, and welcome any helpful insights or suggestions.