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I have been married 48 years - am 73 and husband 77 - we live in the midwest and my husband still helps our son farm - live in a small town about 4,000 people - today I think I just went nutty - he goes to the farm 7 days a week - am just so frustrated being alone all the time and dont know what to do - I have kept myself busy during the weeks and years with various activities but suddenly when I see other married people together I just get so upset - we talked about it tonight but get nowhere - he just loves the farm. I have no other place to go - have just 2 kids that live in Kansas - one sister in CA whom I am not close to so there is no place to go - if I leave, no place to go - I am just so miserable in this little town plus a husband that enjoys the farm more than spending much time with me - what should I do? Just had it - he said do you want a divorce - then he says no - have no place to go to. This is not the right board - maybe you can refer me to a site that can offer me some good advice. Thanks for listening.

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CW,
You are sooo right.

Kss,
Hope you get hubby talked into going to Denver!
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Farming is be a way of life, not a job, at least to most old timers. Sad to say but every farmer I know wants to die with a pitchfork in his hands.
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kssfgirl, this is just a suggestion for keeping busy at home... have you or anyone in your family did a family tree?

My gosh, climbing through my family tree using Ancestry . com kept me busy for months on end. I was digging through boxes of old photos that my parents had trying to match who is who. I was able to go as far back as the early 1700's. Back then people had a dozen of children, and those children had a half dozen or a dozen, so that was a lot of limbs to climb in the old family tree.

Maybe get your son's wife [if he is married or has a significant other] or your children and sister involved. They can scan you copies of photos, etc. I found this so fascinating that a whole day would go by and I realized I never had lunch :P
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Thank you all of you - am trying to get him to come with me to Denver - we have an airport 30 minutes so there would be no driving - a place in Denver where there are restaurants and shops and also museums and if we need to go somewhere we can hire an uber - having an agent at airport checking this all out for me. Think he may say ok if we don't stay too long - 3 nights would be max for both of us - we shall see and yes farming is all year round with my husband - he goes in winter and messes around and tinkers with stuff - a true farmer - sad that all he wants to do is work - only fun he has is having coffee with his buddies in the morning - anyway, am going to sr ctr again to eat and later taking my grandson to show and in a minute working out with my friend - thank you for your great suggestions - all of you are such nice and comforting to me. Have a good day. My bladder is ok now as urologist put me on a very small dose of an antibiotic for a few months just one at night so am hopeful this will help me enough that I can go somewhere and going to see my daughter in August for 1 or 2 days - she is very aware of my UTI problems.
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If kss feelings are new or recently escalated that's why I revisited the UTI thing. Explained as best I could.

I agree on the farm/ranch thing. We think of farming as raising crops. Ranching as cattle, livestock. But with that being said, around here The Ranch is The Ranch. Ranching is raising livestock more specifically cattle, along with growing hay for the cattle. But when someone says "farming" it could mean just about anything. Farming, raising crops, or beef cattle, or both, or Dairy farm.

Most of these gentlemen like my FIL and husband were born into to this occupation. It goes back generations. This life is in their blood. This life is their life. Most never retire. Some take vacations if their operations are large enough and profitable enough, to hire enough help to cover for them. I do feel for you Kss. And I am in no way not acknowledging your feelings. I understand, I truly do. I was born into this life also. It's in my blood. It is my life. My husband has a job that takes him all over the United States. I am here taking care of things with my sons assistance when he get home from his job. Some days it is all just too much.

I wish your husband was more considerate of your feelings. That part is sad. I hope more people post to you question here.

In your first post you stated you work out, you knit shawls, you have church, weekday bible study, now you are going to Senior Citizens Center for lunch, babysit occasionally for your son. You are a busy lady, but still you feel something lacking in your life.

You were having trouble navigating this site and getting back to your question. I hope someone can explain that to you.

Please follow up on the bladder/urinary problems.

Maybe someone will come along and explain the bladder/UTI dilemma better than I have.
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That's sometimes why the farmers are growing hay and corn in the summer time, CWillie, to feed the stock. I grew up doing that but not in Kansas. Kansas gets cold in the winter. It's beautiful there. Very flat in places for miles and miles. But you are right many times there are animals to care for and fields have to be cleaned and fertilized and fences mended. Lots of work on a farm. Someone has to go put out those big round bales for the cattle. I suspect Kssgirl has a husband who has years of early rising and going to check on things. My first FIL would get up so early that when he went around looking for someone to have coffee with, they were all still in bed. But he had a habit of going out each day and MIL was a late sleeper.
Son actually might like dad to skip a day or two. Smile
I must have cross posted with lizzywho.
I remember the other post as well and glad Lizzy went into the UTI a little more.
I remembered the loneliness part but not the UTI.
Kansas City is where I would want to go. Great music and barbq. Nice museums. Thats where the Hallmark headquarters are located. First federal prison is in Kansas. Leavenworth. My husbands grandfather spent a year there during prohibition for selling a pint of home brew. Four little kids at home. Hard times. He worked on the farm at the prison but I think it was veggies. He was father to the 90 yr old aunt I help out. She was three when he went to Kansas. It's been awhile but she still talks about it.
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LOL Glad, ranching to me means free range, livestock in barns (beef, dairy, poultry, hogs, ?) is the norm here.
I might add that a farmer needs to grow crops too to feed the livestock.
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I think of farming as planting. Ranching as livestock. If livestock ranching, then yes this could be a job like caregiving 24/7/365.
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Farming can be year round 7 days a week if there are livestock involved. Just saying.
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Sorry to hear how you feel. It is hard to find something to do every day. I struggled with this every day after my dad passed away. I have work but I know I have to find more to do. Try to start small. It can be almost anything. Reading, knitting, cooking, cleaning, crafts, watching TV and movies, listening to music, maybe taking some online courses. I know its better to do something with your spouse but don't be afraid to try something for you.
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Glad makes a good point about farming not being year round. 7 days a week is a lot but as the saying goes "you have to make hay while the sun is shining".
Is your son married? Is his wife at work everyday? I bet she or son could use some help during this busy season with their household.
Do you have a pet? Sometimes a dog or cat can provide a lot of company. Im sorry you are so bored and at loose ends. My husband travels with his work a lot. He was in Kansas not long ago in a little town. He was telling me how sparse the area was for even a grocery store. Try to get out and walk when it isn't too hot. You will feel better.
Have you considered going to the farm with your husband? Maybe you could spend a few hours working with him and see what the attraction is. I'm sure your son is glad of the help. Maybe you can plan a trip with husband when they catch a break. My mom always wanted to travel. Once when my dad had been in the hospital very sick he told my mother they would travel when he got well. She reminded him of their conversation after he had recuperated. He told her she knew that he has been delirious and out of his mind while in the hospital and that she should never have believed him.
We all laughed but she didn't think it was so funny. If your little town has a therapist make an appointment and see if you can better understand why you are in this season of discontent. Hugs
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Kssfgirl,
Sorry you are still feeling so down.

I remember a couple things from your first post. The first and most important I think is you were struggling with a continuing and/or numerous bladder infections in a short period of time. These urinary tract infections in people your age don't always have the normal symptoms as they did when we were younger. Sometimes the only symptom is they make us feel and act nutty as you put it. The infection does not even show up in a normal "pee in the cup" test. The Dr would have to do a culture on the urine sample. The results take a few days. So please follow up with your urologist to make sure you get that problem completely cleared up.

You mentioned you wanted to go see your daughter but because of the bladder infections you were not up to travel. Have you talked to her about your health problems and how you are not feeling like yourself? If not it sounds like time to talk to her or your son, whichever you are more comfortable talking to. Let one of them help you get to the bottom of the urinary/bladder problems with the help of your urologist. These infections at your age can make you confused and act and feel very, very strange. So please, please get one of your kids on board to help you figure that out.

You had mentioned a couple of other things. Others, including me had posted loads of suggestions how to fill your time. You did come back and post that you had gone to the Senior Citizens Center for lunch and had enjoyed yourself and gone back the following day.

I am sorry your conversation with your husband did not go well. If you are 100% sure your bladder/urinary infection has been cleared you mentioned your church. Being you are in a small town you probably don't want to do it but you could talk to your Pastor. He could try to help or find You resources to help you deal with your loneliness and depression.

If you are truly feeling nutty, not yourself please tell one of your children.

Your primary care physician (family doctor) may also be of help.
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You have an investment in your marriage. Find activities that you can do while hubby is farming. Farming is not a year around occupation. There must be a church group of women, a group that gets together to talk about books they are reading. How long have you been in this small town?
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