House, kitchen, garden, mall, doctors office, park, she will open any door, anywhere, anytime, in any attire. She does not pace she trudges incessantly maniacally when she is alone in the garden or thinks no one is looking. She appears practically catatonic but if you watch her you see her wait until you turn away, leave for a second, leave the room, she observes if no one is paying attention to her no matter how many people are present, and quietly she creeps away. No matter how many times I tell her to sit, stay, don't move, don't touch the door handles (she's broken several incessantly jiggling or trying to open them) nothing makes any difference. She is completely incontinent, will not eat or drink without constant prompting, needs help doing every personal hygiene function, but still very mobile. Barely speaks. Doesn't say she needs the bathroom but will say "can I get up or I want to get out." How is it possible she can be so sneaky with her insane need to get out - it's been going on for years, yet has absolutely no cognitive skills left for anything else. She will get off the toilet still going, diapers around her knees shuffling out of the bathroom pants down while I am 2 feet away and will not stop with out physically stopping her. I have to grab her clothes because her skin is so tender she bruises or breaks with the slightest touch.
Today she was eating, threw up in her plate, continued chewing although I was shouting at her to spit it out and stop chewing. I ran out of the room to get something to clean up literally 2 minutes, she threw up again and got up and walked out of the kitchen door, in her pajamas, into a rain storm. She manages to walk so fast when she is alone but with me or anyone else walking she shuffles incredibly slowly. It is so aggravating. I do not have the patience to sit in the bathroom for 10 15 20 minutes. I am constantly trying to multi task but each time she gets up and will just walk out into the hallway, bedroom wherever. Sometimes she'll take off the diaper and put her clothes back on and either get back in bed or walk out the door - while I am 3 feet away!!! She does not care who is with her or what they are doing not even animals. The incessant need to "get out" has been torture for me for over 2 years. She has no concern for her safety or the weather. She cannot sit still except sometimes at night after dark eating in front of the TV - again with constant prompting to Eat.
The ONLY time she is quiet is in the car. She got out of the garden a few times or while I was emptying the car right after a shopping trip, she will get into the car. I am still not able to really accept what she has become and after years of cajoling, reasoning, shouting, begging, giving instructions this constant only thought to GET OUT is driving me crazy. It's bad enough the incontinence but it's never ending. Just when I think it's OK I can deal with it she does something so unbelievable I lose it!! I know it's going to get worse if she is bed ridden. She has no other health concerns. She only takes multi vitamins and folic acid. I've gotten her to eat more fruit and vegetables and a healthier diet than she ever ate in her life. But it's constant pushing. She would die in a nursing home. She wouldn't eat or drink and where would she be able to walk incessantly outside?!!! No matter how many times I take her to the bathroom there's always an accident. How can she not know she needs the bathroom but can still say I want to GET OUT?!!! Even when she's on the toilet!!! She is OUT all the time. She has no current memory whatsoever and barely remembers where she is from. No idea where she lived the last 5 years, previous 30 years, sometimes not even her parents names. Forget her grandchildren, siblings, cousins - but every once in a while we will call someone and her answer to How are you? Is either "fine" "miserable" or "I'm trying to get away" from where!!?!! This is her answer at her home, my home, everywhere.