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Our children live far away. Some days I feel strong, and some days I feel so helpless and afraid. I feel like I am on rollar coaster. I had breast cancer in March. I cant even think about myself, I am too involved in worrying about him. When I read stories about others, mine doesn't sound too bad. But we can only feel our own pain. No matter how big or small it is.

I know exactly how you feel. My husband is 78 and I am 68. He is very frail and disabled from a stroke and also has dementia. It’s very scary when I can barely get him from the bed to a wheelchair. Living in the present is good advice, but pretty hard to do when you don’t know if tomorrow is the day you won’t be able to take care of him by yourself. My husband is on hospice now. It’s a lot of help to have aides come to bathe him three times a week. A nurse comes twice a week. One especially nice benefit is having a social worker available to guide you through options should you become unable to care for him yourself. We’re okay for now, but it’s a big relief to have the social worker there if I need her. You might consider checking into hospice. It can’t hurt.

Personally, if I had to consider a move in my situation, it might just send me over the edge! It’s absolutely all I can do, physically and emotionally, to take care of my husband.
It’s exhausting.

You might consider some respite care for your husband. You sound like you could use some time off.

I’m so sorry for your situation. It’s so difficult for an old person to take care of another old person. A lot of people don’t get how hard it is (our kids and my husband!). Hugs!
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Reply to Dwinnie21
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THe ALS is more concerning because you will need to make decisions on feeding tubes and permanent ventilator. The means a future in acute long term care with a meaningless future. You do not mention has far along he is. Ask about hospice rather than palliative care. There is a difference.
I also recommend moving near children but at this poi t you need to reach out to see if they will help you. If you can, try to get rid of things that you cannot take with you. Declutter about 10 minutes each day or spend that smount of time to plan a move
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Reply to MACinCT
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Have you considered moving closer to your children? I guess that would depend upon how far away they live.

Dementia and ALS are perfectly scary illnesses and I'd think something might be wrong if you weren't frightened of the future. However, try not to look into the future. Stick to today only. I know it sounds overly simple so you'll have to train yourself not to get bogged down in what's around the corner. It's easier said than done but it works. Keeping your mind on today only is like exercising a muscle. Every time you switch your thinking from the future to today you strengthen that muscle and it becomes easier to stay in today.

And no What-If games either! Start practicing living in today only. Of course there will be times when you will have to consider the short-term future but don't allow yourself to ruminate what's ahead of you because you can't know what's ahead of you and to thing about it and worry about it will only cause you pain and worry. So why borrow tomorrow's problems?
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Reply to Eyerishlass
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