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Her husband has had cancer and treatment that appears to be no longer working. He is a lifelong diabetic with other multiple symptoms. Formerly very positive. How can I help?

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Offer to be available to pick up prescriptions. Take food over once in a while. Offer to stay with him when she needs to get out to get a haircut or go for a walk. Walk their dog if they have one. Be there to listen. When you go to their house, don't stay long (unless she really wants you to).

One of the worst things I've dealt with is people visiting my LOs and staying too long. One stayed for 4 hours and brought their dog, which had to be inside during the visit! Half an hour or twenty minutes is enough time when the person is sick or just out of the hospital or dying. Visits are exhausting for the patient as well as the caregiver, who has a whole lot more to do than listen to visitors trying to cheer up the patient with interminable monologues about their last vacation, they new car they bought, or Aunt Sadie's bedsores.

I'm sorry your friend is facing this issue.
Helpful Answer (11)
Reply to Fawnby
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Offer to sit with her husband so she can get out of the house for a bit.
Bring a meal for both of them.
Bring a few meals that you have portioned out and she can freeze. Put reheating instructions on the container. (use disposable containers so she does not have to worry about getting them back to you)
Bring some groceries. Call her and say "Judy" I am going to the store is there anything you need Milk, eggs, bread, Ice cream?
Next time you stop by bring coffee, some donuts or other "treat" and sit and ask her how SHE is.
Rent a movie, bring popcorn, a box of Junior Mints or some Goobers and Raisinets.
Sometimes just sitting and saying nothing can mean a whole lot.
OH....A HUG give her a nice big long hug!
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Reply to Grandma1954
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From my experience, the gold standard would be offering to stay with her LO while she does errands, or just gets away for a little break. There are so few opportunities for that when you are caring for someone. You're a great friend for wanting to help. You'll probably have to suggest something specific so it's good that you're getting ideas.
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Reply to iameli
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This is a question you ask the family. They may require help with driving to appointments, shopping, help in the home. It is up to you to offer what you may provide or to offer help. Most often it is someone to listen. Take care in not taking on more than you can.
Consider starting with the simplicity of making a casserole for them once every few weeks.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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Fawnby gave good advice. To add to that: maybe ask your friend if they have all their legal ducks in a row: PoA for bothe of them. Advance Healthcare Directives, Wills, updated beneficiaries, Make sure she knows where all important paperwork is, knows how to pay bills and when, has full and easy access to all of their assets, etc.

If she doesn’t then offer to help them make an appointment with a certified elder law attorney. Do they have adult children who are local? Who will help them if she needs more than what neighbors can provide?

Bless you for being such a caring friend!
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Reply to Geaton777
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B2bopper: Offer meals.
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Reply to Llamalover47
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