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I find this very awkward. The two of them split up about 3 1/2 years ago. He says she didn't have symptoms of dementia at the time, although I don't know much about it. I met him at church a few months after my husband died around that same time, and became part of his circle of friends, which included this woman, "Stella." She seemed very sweet and nice, and he didn't tell me for a year that they used to be an item. She was diagnosed about a year ago at the age of 68, and her younger brother moved her into a memory care facility. He chauffeured her around but now is moving to California and has called on my boyfriend (who is 80) to take over driving Stella. For free, of course. He wants to do it, but I find it very awkward, and I imagine she does as well. She still recognizes both of us and the friends, although she can't remember which handbag is hers or how many bedrooms are in her apartment. Am I being too selfish to see this as an imposition? My bf is saying that he may not be able to take a trip we had planned (mainly at my expense as he has very little) because he is "on call" for Stella.

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He's an old-fart player -- Move on to a new bf.
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"I just hope it works out." Yes. Let's hope he doesn't decide it's too much expense, and then you might be asked to help out again.

This "gentleman friend" sounds like a leech.
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Jessie..I agree with you. I too would have left this situation

I have been far too involved before with a man who counted on my financiers to his use. Yep..out of there.

If you agree to continue to be use doormat, bank, etc. the "needs" will continue to be imposed on you.

Get out of this relationship....now. If he is concerned...then he should stay and take care of her. Not require it of you while he uses your money to go away.

Think this over. You are being used...big time. Get gone
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GardenArtist Stella's younger brother, who has her POA, was her weekend chauffeur for over a year, but had to move to Chicago for his work. He has only a few more years until retirement, and he has two kids in college. Stella goes to the social events and doesn't talk much, but she seems to enjoy the food. I think it will work better with a hired chauffeur. I just hope it works out.
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Since her brother feels she should be able to attend these events, I nominate him at her new chauffeur, although I see he's already delegated responsibility to someone else.
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Thanks to all for the answers. I did tell my bf Joe that I really did not want to do this. The Memory Care unit does take her shopping and to Dr.'s during day, but this request was more for weekend and social events like symphony and art gallery that her brother thinks she ought to have. I have observed her dementia getting worse over the last year and wonder if she really does enjoy these outings. Anyway, for now problem has been solved by her brother hiring someone to do this rather than asking for volunteers from "the bunch."
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ABSOLUTELY NOT, I CANNOT POSSIBLY DO THAT.

Stella didn't have an illness before him, and she must have had money too, before him. You are next!
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Paying for the trip because the boyfriend has little, having to be on hand in case Stella needs him, and volunteering the new gf to drive the old gf around... I would have been gone already.
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Jessie, maybe that's why he's no longer the BF of the friend - maybe he asked her to be his chauffeur!
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Umm, let's see... He wants you to drive her everywhere because he is too lazy or disorganized to clean a seat in his car. Sorry, but he sounds like a user to me. I think I'd rather be alone.
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Um, maybe this is his way of trying to break up with you?
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CWilie also posted thoughts which I had - especially the manipulation aspect. I'm not sure how much of a friend this guy really is.
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Two words: Liability, and No.

Besides the other important issues mentioned above, there's the issue of providing what are essentially commercial driver services (w/o any remuneration), and the technically proper issuance of a commercial driver's license and related liability insurance (for any potential accident).

The issue of not being paid complicates it - you'd be providing what are essentially commercial services, w/o pay, at the request of someone other than the passenger, but would still be liable for transporting a nonpaying "customer) if there were an accident. If you were driving her as a friend, she would be merely a passenger, perhaps as an "invitee".

I'm not even sure how the BF's involvement would play out - if he would technically be considered an agent for placing the trip request or what.

Being rather blunt, I find his request inappropriate, overbearing, inconsiderate, and manipulative. He could easily clean his car out and provide the transportation himself.

I would refuse, politely or not, and suggest that he investigate other sources, including commercial paratransit service through a local transit company. The cost would be cheaper than any commercial service such as a cab, ambulette, Uber, etc.
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To me this calls into question your whole relationship with him. He volunteered to be her driver knowing full well that he didn't have a suitable car, so essentially he volunteered you without even seeking your consent. You have been manipulated into feeling that saying no makes you selfish and uncharitable. I wonder what caused their break up and whether he still has feelings for her, since he seems to be putting her wants/needs above yours?
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If Stella is living in a Memory Care facility, they have people who drive the residents on their errands. Maybe, she doesn't want to wait on their schedule, but, I would think extra transportation services wouldn't be required.

I'd be hesitant to transport a person with cognitive decline, who is not a close friend or relative anyway, because what if she acts out, damages property, takes something, gets sick, walks away and vanishes, etc. There is a fair amount of liability associated with taking responsibility of this person and that would make me uneasy. I might ask this person if they had considered this.
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Not just at all--but very weird. Can she order and Uber driver? Sounds like they need not only a driver but a PT caregiver. I'd steer clear of this potential mess.
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Not selfish at all. Stella needs another plan that doesn't involve you. Of course you can't force boyfriend to do anything, he makes his own choices.
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Normally Assisted Living/Memory Care facilities offer transportation for their residents, either free or at a low cost. If someone needs to go to the doctor, the facility will drive that person and an Aide is there the whole time, even in the doctor's office.

For some reason your boyfriend still feels obligated to his former girlfriend, which is sweet that he wants to help. But he needs to draw boundaries, such as needing to feel he is on call 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Cancel that trip, or go yourself with a girlfriend. As whenever someone is in Assisted Living, one never knows what will happen the next day and your boyfriend would feel the need to be there.

No, you are not be selfish, as Stella isn't your relative or even a close friend. If she was your BBF, that would be different.
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I forgot to mention, he has a car but it is full of junk and only the driver's door can be opened. Thus chauffeuring is done with my car.
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