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Her only family is a cousin in MD. She owns her own home and has a dog that she won't let 'go' outside. She is still driving, a little, but is afraid she doesn't remember how to get places. She doesn't remember common items/places/names and really shouldn't be living along, but she refuses to go to a doctor ever. How do we, her friends, get her evaluated and ultimately sent to an assisted living place?

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She should not be driving. Driving will kill her or someone else faster than not driving. You want her medical POA in the hands of someone who will keep her best interest in mind and share information with you if you are going to stay involved. It sounds like a call to Area Agency on Aging is in order if not to Adult Protective services - maybe too early for that if there is nothing wrong but a little dog poop. Is cousin in denial, or does he or she know but just not want the burden any more than you do?
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Thank you all. She pretty much has quit driving and secluded herself (and the dog) in the house, and is alienating her few friends by being mean on occasion and not remembering so much. Today I had to call a plumber because her bathroom was clogged (tub, sink and toilet). Two hours after it was fixed and they had left, she called a friend and insisted its not fixed because they didn't dig up the pipes in her yard yet (they didn't have to; she had flushed stuff that was flushable!) We know she has dementia but also know she would benefit from being more social (as long as she doesn't drive them crazy). The dog has never been doggypad trained or gone outside (she's about 6 yrs)..I have bought her numerous puppy pads and they go unused unless I lay one down myself. She is unaware she has insurance now, but she does have Medicare. Losing the dog would kill her. Her driving is unsure and she drives only to the bank, store (that she can't remember the name of) and to my office. I can't get to her house but maybe once a week, so I buy her groceries when I go and either drop them off or she comes to get them, but she doesn't eat much variety and its not even that nutritious. She could exist on bread and coffee. Her cousin in MD doesn't know what to do and doesn't seem interested in coming down to move things along, and I am running out of patience in how to proceed, short of Baker Acting her. I have financial power of attorney for her, and thought I'd just be paying bills for her, but in less than a year things have spiralled downhill. I don't even want medical power of attorney for her. Sorry to ramble; it's been a frustrating couple of days!
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Aricept and Namenda may help in slowing up the process, but it will not cure it. Namenda, last time I almost filled the prescription, was around $130.00 with insurance. It didn't really help.......so I dropped all are/memory/ALZ drugs........But arrange a couple of appointments with the local assisted living places...They may set it up for you to have lunch will the other residents, so your friend can get an idea of how these places are really like. Taking her to a few AL places, will give you and your friend the pros and cons.......Social activites, etc.... Some even allow pets.....Tell your friend, that you are thinking about this for yourself, or parent, and you want to spend the day with her....IT'S AN ADVENTURE.... Make it fun and not about her.....If she doesn't want to admit that something is wrong, break it in SLOWLY...Let her bring it up. Get her out and check out the local assisted living places......
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Don't know how old she is, but my aunt forgot her car and the policeman drove her all around to find it.... Got the location of her last appointment and mapquest it. We found her car...Then she forgot to attend the DMV meeting with police regarding this incident...They took away her license....So, this may be a good thing that she doesn't want to drive....Look up senior care and City Ride in her neighborhood. Perhaps they have a senior program that can drive her to appointments etc...My aunt was put into an assisted living place that would have weekly or twice weekly rides to the local stores......
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One suggestion to get a person to go to the doctors is to tell the person that their health insurance requires them to go twice a year, or they will lose the insurance forever [yes, it's a fib, but sometimes that will work].

Your friend could sell her home and use the money to go to "independent living" facility without needing any evaluation by a doctor if she can feed herself, dress herself, communicate, etc. she could easily move there, plus some places allow pets but she would need to abide by the pet rules... if she has her dog "go inside" the dog would need those dog wee-wee pads. Plus she would be around folks of her generation plus the facility will have activities and trips for the seniors which might help stimulate her brain.

Would moving to an apartment in a retirement facility be of interest to her? If she is agreeable, and you want to help, you go on your own and preview some places for her... then pick out some nice ones, make an appointment to take her on tour, and some places might even offer you and her a free lunch as part of their tour.
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