This is a very difficult situation I'm in with my folks they live 1230 miles away I saw this coming years ago tried like crazy to get them here. Now it's a horrible mess after I went back to care for them lost my job, my insurance and 20 pounds, and my mind, in one month of being with them. Now my father revoked me as DPOA MOA not sure who is now. He drove got lost and had a horrible accident totaling his truck. He was found dazed and calling for help lost in the woods. I want to cry every time I think of that. They are both in the same nursing home temporary for now and he hired this attorney who took his money when he clearly has dementia revoking me. Now I'm at war with her for having done this to them. Last week the psychiatrist pronounces my dad completely incompetent however he doesn't know that. It's a hot mess of dysfunction and dementia! I'm not speaking with his sisters the Killer Ants I call them! They've done nothing to help my father one of them maybe the DPOA which is ridiculous done of them could fine their backsides with both hands! Sorry I get wound up!

I haven't had any luck with finding work in my home state, my friend thinks I need to give another attorney 10,000.00 retainer to file for guardianship for my parents. Now my father will try and fight this the other shyster attorney will take his money then we'll all go to court 1230 miles from my home. I want to pull my hair out, run the other way. My health is suffering I'm not eating sleeping, my body aches I'm concerned I'm going to get ill over all this insanity and I recent these attorneys getting rich on the backsides of crazy old people. So I told my friend my parents don't want my help my father thinks I stole his money never happened a 3 second audit would prove that, he thinks everyone stole something of his, that's dementia. Anyway my friend is upset I'm considering not fighting for my parents with there money. This is crazy it has to stop somewhere why do the attorney's and court system allow this to happen. THEY ARE BOTH INCOMPETENT!!!!!

Any thought's out there people? I know no one can give me the right answer. I have a trust set up for them with their savings in it, the house is not in there because the third attorney after paying him 4000.00 didn't get the title back in time before my father had a demented melt down. So this has to stop what do I do! I'm exhausted and feeling like I'm going to collapse myself! I don't think I could take them on as guardian unless they lived in the same state as I do and it was my job! Any thought's?

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It sounds like you don't know who's got POAs now, so you really don't know if he's being well cared for or not. I would not initiate legal action if you don't even know for sure there's a problem.

Allow me to stand on my soap box for a minute: I find that a lot of people have opinions about how other people *should* do things (like care for a loved one), especially when they don't actually have to do anything. What is your friend's stake in this, that he/she can tell you how to spend your money, your dad's money, and all your time? OK, I'm off my soapbox now.

If your father doesn't want you taking care of him and you aren't able to do it, it doesn't matter what other people think. Do what you think is right *and* possible. Even if you want to take care of him, from far away it's sometimes not possible if you (or he) don't have a lot of money. Maybe that's why he changed the POA (although if he's started accusing you of stealing from him, he might have dementia).

If you apply for guardianship and your dad fights back with his own attorney, you can quickly use up all the money you both have. Both you and your dad will lose in a legal fight.

Do you really need a guardianship? First, do you know for sure that he is incompetent? If he's not incompetent (usually judged by two medical sources, I think), you won't get guardianship. You need to know for sure that he's not able to do for himself. Usually his doctor knows this, although it will be hard to get that info these days from far away. If your dad is not competent and hasn't appointed a POA, MPOA or has appointed someone you think is not responsible, you can apply for guardianship.

In Texas, we have two types of guardianship: guardian of the person (who does medical POA and living arrangements) and guardian of the estate (who does financial affairs). It sounds like you'd need both. You don't need a lawyer to do that here, but I'm sure it helps. And you would, as you point out, have to go to court in a far away place. Even if your dad doesn't contest it, it sounds awful.

Being a guardian is much more than having the two POAs, though. You have to do audits and make reports to the court and I'm sure it varies by jurisdiction or state. I can't imagine it. I have enough trouble with the Social Security form I fill out each year for my husband's SS payments (he wasn't able to file for himself at the time so I had to do it for him and ended up his designated payee). I can't imagine sending documents to a court.

It will also be very hard for you to be his guardian if you are in another state. You could possibly handle their finances remotely but probably not their person. It would be very hard to be in charge of their living arrangements and medical appointments and such when you're not there. It takes a lot of time and effort. It sounds like you already know you can't deal with it. Trust yourself.
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