My friend of 20 years is in a nursing home and wants to live with me. Any thoughts on this?

He will become a permanent ornament on your couch and not be able to safely do the stairs. He will expect you to be his Home Entertainment Center and cook three meals a day, help him bathe and clean up after him. Take a good look at what the NH has to do in three shifts. No single person can do that.

If your friend is trying to "guilt" you into taking him in, you very well might regret the decision. It changes your life, no matter how much help you can get!!
It could be VERY hard to reverse the circumstances, once done. What if you tried to get him into another NH and he wouldn't agree to go? I agree he could live several years. My mom had her 89 th BD today. She is in a retirement home where she has been for two years. Had I not gotton her in there two years ago, I'm sure she would need a nursing home now. She is barely able to live there, has days when she wants me to find her an apartment and she doesn't need any help. She is not aware of all everyone does for her. She says she doesn't get hungry and seldom eats good I take her, gripes about the food they give her, and claims she doesn't eat more than a few bites but is maintaining her weight, so she is eating something. It's something new every day, plus all the habits she already had. If she stops taking her meds, I will be forced to place her somewhere else. Can't imagine the hell that will bring on!! (she doesn't think she needs help). We just do the best we can, and vent on here. :-)

Might work out fine, right now, but what about 5, 10, 15 even 20 yrs down the road? If all he does is lay in bed....he is at risk for becoming very frail, with muscle loss each year. How does he get to the bathroom? Where is your bathroom, and is the shower accessible if he were using a walker? Grab bars? Are your doorways 36" wide? Are there steps at the entry to your home? What happens if you became very ill and need that first floor space for your own hospital bed? It might work out just fine, but be sure to do some "reasonable " advance thinking.

Why is it hard for you to visit him in the nursing home?

Thank You all kindly, I am home all day..He has family no kids, a niece that visit maybe once a year I am POA and have been for 10 plus years.. The niece doesn't like me at all and has said some awful things to me but it is I that makes all decisions for him .. Its hard for me to see or visit him at the nursing home..

Right now, he has 24/7 care. How are you going to hire a staff of people? Who is his POA and are they willing to pay you for room and board and his meds, etc.?

I am 61 and I wouldn't be up to it. Good luck to you.

Ask staff about how realistic this might be, and whether he could even get up and down the stairs at your place. That would be dangerous in an emergency if you could not get him out. There is a reason he is in the nursing home, and its not because he was able to mobilize and take care of himself without help. If you can actually provide or arrange for all the help he needs it could work out, but assess carefully and don't indulge in wishful thinking or you might regret it in a terrible way. Eyes wide open. I wish you both well, and either way, I suspect it is a great blessing for him to have you in his life and caring about him!

Make sure you think about everything involved before saying yes.

Since your friend has mobility problem, helping him up and down stairs might be too difficult. If you have a dining room, maybe you can change that over to a nursing home room for your friend. What are all the medical issues for your friend?

Do you work outside of the home? If yes, would you need to quit work? If yes, would you be able to afford to keep and maintain your home? You lose at least 10 more years of adding more to your social security/Medicare, and adding to your own retirement fund. Or will your friend pay you to be his caregiver?

Your friend is still very young by today's standards.... thus he could be living with you for the next 10 to 15 years. Does he have any children or grandchildren, any siblings? If yes, would they be able to help you?

As you get older, you will find you won't have the energy you have now. Doesn't your friend have mobility problems? If he falls, could you pick him up? Be able to move him from his bed to the bathroom to bathe him?

Remember, you would be doing ALL the work, and he would be in bed watching TV. That could get old quickly. So make sure you think this all the way though, and that he wouldn't be just using you.