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she is 62 and has some of the early signs of alz. i've tryed to tell her to call the dr. but she says i'm not doing it. i dont want to. i want to improve her quality of life. i know what it looks like, i've seen it in my mother. both her her parents had alz. i know she afraid of the answer. i've been watching the decline for awhile now. now other people see it too. she quit her job of 45 years because she kept making mistakes. when she gets out of her comfort zone, she gets the shakes & a upset stomach. i take her places here in town she gets lost just riding. she has trouble seeing things that are in front of her. even signing her name, her hand writing is a mess. her eyes have been checked they are ok. does alz. affect your eyesight too.i invited her to go places with me...she declines. dont seem to want to get out of the house. i guess the question i have is how do i convince her to take a trip to the dr. i'll drive!

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thanks so much for helping me a bit. she has been to her family dr. took a small alz. test, like counting backwards, remembering 3 words, you guys know that test. her dr. referred her to a nero dr. gave her the number even. i had to write it bigger so she could see it. thats one one the reasons i was wondering if alz. affected your eyes. but when i asked her if she had called yet, she said, "no and i'm not going too" she openly admited she was afraid, rightfully so. but you would think she would want to know, i would! so she can get some meds to push it back some. improve her quality of life. feel like doing things. instead of being afraid to go out of the house. leave her comfort zone. i am not worried about her being alone as of yet. but i AM afraid for her to drive. the othr day she was driving on the wrong side of the road cause she couldnt see the yellow line cause the road curved slightly. when she told me that i about fell over! i'm afraid to tell her family about this cause i dont want her mad at me. but if she keeps refusing me, i'll have no choice. guess she will have to just be mad. um i think i feel better just knowing you people are out there, giving me ideas on this......thanks!
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I would work on going to the doctor for something other than dementia assessment, and also send a note to her doctor ahead of time. She needs to go in for a flu shot. She needs to see the doctor to get her prescriptions renewed. Anything you can think of that might work. Don't mention Alz or dementia or memory problems. Get her in for an evaluation any way you can! (Her doctor will probably not talk to you, for privacy reasons, but can at least read what you write.)

You are a wonderful friend! If you can't convince her to see her doctor don't be hard on yourself. This is a huge challenge, even for close family members. Sometimes it is a matter of waiting for a crisis (often a fall) and going to the ER. I hope you can head that off, but it is not your fault if you can't.
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Yes what a great friend you are! I had this with my own mum for about 2 yrs until she finally agreed to go for help BUT i lied to her and told her that she had to see a geriatrician if she was to get free cleaners in to clean house! this worked thankgod!
Its hard enough when its family but a friend thats tough. Also even when my mum has been diagnosed shes still in denial so we dont even go there with her.
My mum stopped shopping,going out,just wanted to sit in front of tv all day which isnt like her. She even stopped talking to family on the phone. Sounds like your friend is in complete denial and very scared god love her and shes so young to have this. Sunflow said it all really the only thing I could do for my mum was tell her no matter what happened to her I would be here for her and she would never be on her own. I know this reasured her in some way!
Keep talking to her and tell her that you will not let her go through this alone she may get angry and deny anything is wrong but she will think about what you said.
Poor you it is so hard to be in this position I was there for 2 yrs and family fighting with me calling me nuts etc... Maybe try and get a nurse in just to talk to her?
Its hard but normal behaviour im afraid if you think she is not safe alone then you will need to get help.

Good luck and good for you for caring enough to get her help we can only do our best!
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Thats a tough one and bless you for being such a caring friend. I guess the first question is does she have family nearby or family that you can contact and alert them of your concerns and observations. They may not be aware or in denile as well.

If family aren't willing to visit and convince her to get assessed; then if you are afraid for her safety you could do a couple things:
1. Continue to talk to her and tell her that you will be there for her and try to convince her AGAIN to consult a doctor if only for a baseline.
2. Does she go in for an annual checkup -- could you send a confidential letter to her family physician outlining your observations and concerns and enlisting their help in "reminding her of her annual physical" or "need to see her before they refill any prescriptions" -- something along those lines?


You are in a difficult postion. Have you been in her home lately? Can you tell if she is managing day to day activities (eating, hygiene, keeping house clean, not having spoiled food in the refrig, etc?) -- if you think she is in danger -- you could consider calling in APS -- but that is so hard to do (believe me, I know as that is my last resort and I don't have the guts to do so with my mother who lives alone and manages but just barely).

Isolation and withdrawel from activities is a bad sign and in my experience, just makes the dementia, paranoia, and/or ALZ worse. I hope you can continue to be her friend and stop in often to check on her even when she hangs up on you, refuses your visits, etc. Continue to visit, bring in some carry-out and share a meal together so she can still feel "normal" for as long as possible. Continue to go out for short drives and visit familiar places, restaurants and shopping for as long as you can and use all the patience you have to overlook her "mistakes, errors, forgetfulness". It does no good to continue to harp on these or try to correct her and will just make her more fearful and withdrawn with what is happening to her (likely she knows and is very scared).

Reinforce that everyone progresses differently and that these instances might not even be ALZ or dementia but something else and that "you should just get a physical workup to count all this stuff out" and "maybe doctor can give you some newer meds that will keep you sharp"....

Don't give up on her.
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