My brother recently died. See rant dated March 2021 and updates.
He was living alone after losing his wife and son the past 4 years. Got sick while struggling in the house. Called 911 after not being able to breathe. Hospitalized 2 weeks then sent to rehab then NH. Lived in NH for 1 1/2 years before passing in September.
Got a call from Director of Nursing. She said' Sorry to tell you that your husband died at ...time." My husband?!
I said it was my brother." "OH, OH, Excuse me, I am so sorry. I am new." Sigh....
I went to his room to verify.
I went to her office...she sits looking at me with this blank face. I said I'd need a couple of days to remove his belongings.
The funeral director had been called. I needed the next day to make arrangements.
Later, the social worker called to say" Don't get upset but his belongings have already been moved. We have someone from the hospital coming in."
Went through this before with my mom. Why I asked.
Like they were never there.
At least his belongings were packed in boxes.
Except for a nephew, a cousin not seen for years and a niece by marriage, it is now just me. Mom, Dad (gone in 1989), middle brother, this brother, his wife and son all gone. 5 deaths in 13 years. I miss them all.
My brother LOVED the temptations and at his funeral the last song played was My Girl.
He was a veteran and so he got military honors at the military cemetery. He was a Vietnam Vet who finally got the honors those vets never got. So very moving and respectful.
He is free.
Some friends were supportive, some not.
I am 63 single and looking at the rest of my life. As I look back, I realize that caregiving my family was my purpose. Not one I chose, it chose me.
Or my excuse for not really living...Now, no more excuses. I do not want to fall into the abyss. I fight everyday. I want to learn and grow from these experiences. I want joy, peace.
I am not making any major decisions for a while as I determine what do I really want in my life. I am taking a trip for Thanksgiving as I don't want to be here nor do I want to be "that guest" at the dinner table invited because of pity. No thanks! Have already gotten that invitation.
Sorry for the length.
This is your time now and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
I'm sorry for the loss of your brother. He would want you now to start living and enjoying your life, so go out and make him proud!
A beautiful day today, 78 degrees after 4 days of cold and rain.
I'm now doing appointments that were put off.
Taking online classes.
Finding my way.
Thank you for all your wishes. Curiosity is the one coming up for me currently. Oh, I want the rest too. 😃
Your "road map" will be uniquely yours.
Opening my mind to other possibilities, learning to understand my thoughts, behaviors (my self) is part of this journey.
As you begin your journey. I wish the same wishes for you.
That may take some doing. I'm stuck in old ways. So although I'm going away, I'll probably have turkey that day.
I'm hoping to find a restaurant open that day after sightseeing.
That happened last year, after cooking and taking food to my brother. Could only visit an hour at NH then. Got invited to a friend's.
Didn't really want to go. The food was not as good as mine 😕. Just saying.
Her nieces were rude. I thought, nope never again.
You are right to forego the traditional Thanksgiving dinners this year, and live your life as you take that trip. God Bless you on your travels.
Looking forward to sightseeing.
Been 5 years what with the pandemic and all. Feeling comfortable.