My husband’s adult children (all older or my same age) who’ve never liked me made a boat load of allegations against me to the elder abuse dept. They were bogus allegations and I understand that they have to check out every allegation. Mine were all found to be unsubstantiated BUT what can I do to those who made the allegations? His “kid’s” haven’t been involved in any of his care yet have an opinion and fight with me every step of the way. His been in the facility since May 2018.
One Sat his brother (decided to help his “kid’s”) signed him out for “lunch” and took him out of state to empty out our joint checking acct and opening a new acct in my husband’s name ONLY. The same day the dtr closed all of our joint acct’s including our Direct tv and AT&T acct pretending to be me. She made an acct on the “my social security” website giving her access to have my husband’s check deposited in his new acct. (we found out bc my husband was not physically with his dtr when she did this it wasn’t legal for her to do) A nightmare getting things reversed and her access removed.
Back to Sat: When my husband returned from doing the bank “stuff” he called wanting to come home for a late afternoon visit. I picked him up and told him that my debit card was declined at lunch and when I went on line I seen our joint acct had all the money transferred into a new acct in his name only. I asked what was going on. He said he wasn’t exactly sure but his dtr told him I wasn’t paying the care home and that I was out opening credit cards in his name only and charging $12,000 against him. His dtr called my phone as he was telling me this. She acted like we were best friends. I told her what her uncle had done she acted all kinds of upset and said she’d call him to see what was up. I got a call from “her uncle” yelling that the cops were coming to arrest me and that they were moving my husband closer to them. I hung up. Then the dtr called me all upset telling me her “uncle” hired an attorney and was filing charges against me etc THEN she wanted to talk to her dad which I gave him my phone. It wasn’t long that an officer was knocking on my door telling me that a female family member had called in that I had taken my husband against his will from the care home. I started to respond and he stopped me by saying let me explain. He went to the care home bc he thought if this was true the care home should have called it in so he went there first. The nurse showed where my husband signed himself out as I was getting his meds he needed to take with supper. She told him we walked down the hall together. My husband came into the living room and the officer asked him if he felt safe with me? Did he want to be there with me? Did I force him to come visit? He told him he always felt safe with me and I picked him up bc he called me to come get him. So the dtr calls again still acting dumbfounded and like we were best friends and I tell her about what just happened and that it was a female family member and I asked her who it could have been? She was quick to tell me it had to be her aunt. She asked to talk to her dad again and I handed him my phone. I found out when I took my husband back that it was the dtr who I’d been talking to the whole time who had done it bc she told the nurse on the 4th time she called that she did it bc the nurse wouldn’t side with her. This was a Saturday AND Sunday it continued until my husband called the dtr and his brother before he went to bed that night that he wanted everything stopped. He told them he was staying right where he’s at close to his wife. The dtr cried trying to change his mind. The brother said he’d stand by whatever he wanted. Monday morning my husband with the help of the social worker called the bank reversing everything that was done on Saturday. We thought it was over HA!! I was told that “someone” needed to talk to us at 10:30. I got hit with 3 pages of allegations. Can anyone guide me in the right direction?

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You should get someone to write a cease and desist letter to the daughter accusing her of  closing your accounts by impersonating you, you can notarize a letter to the effect. And keep a record of this cease and desist statement. The next time your husbands family are in contact with your husband you need to review that cease and desist letter and confer with another social worker while not trying to impede his family from staying in contact. Keep this letter on your person and mark dates of contact on the back and keep a secondary letter, either a copy or an update of harsher visitation terms that your husband can agree to also on your person at all times. Managing the communication is about maintaining your dignity and trustworthiness, this is a civil matter where you do not gain more than the statutory limit from lawsuit if any further law is broken against you again in the future like the fraud you experienced. You're not alone with your husband in this but hes not alone with you in this either. Your husbands family need to be held to visiting guidelines and if it was me they would not to contact at least two designated persons before visiting with him in the future and communicate in advance with your care team. Lean on his care team but find a trustable third party who can help you keep the legal guidelines of maintaining power of attorney, and protect yourself from fraud by "scheduling" meetings with this serious business after or to the side of future hopefully warmer tidings accompying your husbands bedside
Helpful Answer (1)

I am so sorry. If its APS that is coming at 10:30, allow them. Keep as calm as you can. Allow the caseworker to ask questions and you answer. Do you have POA, have it available. Eventually, tell her what his family did and the Social Worker who helped you. They will talk to your husband too and the staff at the NH probably. The claims might be found bogus. Give them the Police officers name. Hopefully, a repoert was written up you can get. If found bogus, maybe at that time you can ask APS what you can do to stop the harassment. What husbands family did effected your ability to use a phone and the ability to purchase things you need. I had a cousin who had MS and I know stress can cause you a lot of problems.

If these allegations are unfounded, you now have APS on your side. If you can afford it, maybe you should have a lawyer draw up a cease and desist letter saying if they continue this harrassment you will bring charges against them.

Is husbands care private pay? I will assume that family feels money is being spent that eventually will be theirs.

Please come back and tell us what happens.
Helpful Answer (2)
Tracy1967 Feb 2019
Oh my I didn’t expect to get reliable information when I posted my questions. I figured this site could be a dramafest but I’m glad I finally got the nerve to ask the 2 biggest questions I had this weekend...I have so many more but these are the ones that are making me lose sleep.

The lady read all the allegations to my husband and me together which my husband can’t hear nor did he understand the seriousness of the allegations. I stepped out in the hall while she talked to him. One allegation was I had him moved there just bc I wanted him out of my hair...he kept opening his door coming out to ask me things bc he didn’t know the answers. I took him down to the tv room before I went in and she told me that she seen he’s been placed appropriately. I sat there calm, cool and collected I think from shock but as she read thru the allegations and me answering her questions she seen how bogus all of the allegations were. I had proof in my phone of everything his kids have put me through. My husband kept coming down and knocking on his door bc he had forgotten to tell her something...he did it 4 times. Even tho I felt like she thought all of it was bogus I still felt like she could be making me feel comfortable but when she goes to do her report I might get something out of it BUT all allegations were found unsubstantiated.
I've emailed the lady who did our questioning about how I go about reporting abuse but she never answered. I’m sure she doesn’t want to deal with us ever again.
When my husband’s brother took him to do the bank acct I couldn’t figure out how my husband could do that without help. I found out when my dad (ok my mom and dad are a tad younger than my husband and they’ve been friends for some 20 yrs. When my husband’s wife lost her battle to cancer my husband was at my parent’s house a lot. I was at my parents bc I was going thru a divorce. (He wasn’t my husband yet)...My husband needed help with his business and I was able to help him out. We’ve been married 7 yrs. His kids and me along with our kids have been around each other thru the years but none of us were close. They’ve openly hated me and have made our life a living hell. They haven’t been in their dad’s life these past 7 yrs unless they want money or they just want.) took my husband back to the out of state bank to get the new debit card to our old account and the lady who helped him was the same lady that helped him on Saturday and she told my dad that if the man that brought my husband in hadn’t been there to tell him what to say the account couldn’t have been changed. My husband isn’t completely incompetent but if you talk to him long enough you’ll figure it out really quick that something isn’t right esp if he can’t answer the question with a yes or a no. It upsets me the way his family treats him. He’s a really good man his only flaw was he gave his kids absolutely EVERYTHING they ever wanted and now suffer from entitlement issues. They thought there was a lot of money to be had or jewelry or trinkets but they’re wrong and will find that out someday.
My next problem is my husband has not signed a POA. We did a durable power of attorney for healthcare decisions where me and that dtr have to agree in concert...I can’t see that working but he’s in the care home so she can’t do anything about that (knock on wood). Her dad made the decision to go there so we didn’t have to agree. My husband sees no reason for a POA but after what they just put me thru I really see the reason in having one.
There’s also “a paper of some kind I think was a scratch paper that she had me sign in front of my brother. It didn’t have any writing on it it was just a small blank paper. No one else was in the room.” Words my husband told me back in October. I still don’t know what the paper is/was.
He’s not private pay.
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