I wrote in June 2020 about being a full-time caregiver to my elderly parents for almost 4 years. My mom has been diagnosed with BPD many years ago. My older brother did nothing though he lived very close to them. I am the scapegoat & he is the golden child.
I did leave, stopped caregiving and maintained low contact. My brother takes them grocery shopping & to doctor appointments. That’s it.
I only made medical appointments for my parents & spoke via phone a few times weekly. Both parents have above average cognitive abilities. (No dementia/Alzheimer’s)
Every time I spoke to them, they wanted me to return as caregiver. My brother was just too busy working 24/7. I was too lazy & was not doing anything at my own home according to mom.
I have asked repeatedly if they had named a POA since 2016. They claimed they hadn’t. My brother said he hadn’t. I told them they should. It didn’t matter who, but they should do it.
Before Christmas, my dad went to the doctor with my brother. There was some cause for concern but the doctor would watch & wait. My dad was nervous about it, so I read the doctor’s notes in dad’s online account. There I saw the doctor had noted my brother as DPOA. I was shocked. I phoned my dad & he said he didn’t know what that was. But whatever it was is his business. He’ll do what he wants.
I believe my brother was named DPOA 20 years ago when they completed their will. With COVID lockdown in our area, I doubt this DPOA was set this year.
I have gone from low contact to no contact temporarily. I don’t want to overreact. However, my intuition tells me they wanted me to do all the work for free because they knew I’d not want to if I knew they kept this secret.
Has this happened to anyone else? I feel like breaking all contact to be honest.