I have found caregivers napping when my Mom's asleep. Should I be upset by this?

Forgot to add, the caregivers I've hired, do light housekeeping in dad's quarters, prepare meals for dad, bathing, feeding, medications, diapers, changing sheets, laundry. And they do. They run out of things to do and will even take my dogs out for me and fold my daughters laundry, they simply run out of things to do for dad as he naps, they do everything they can. So if they nod off while reading a book, they probably need it.

The two nurses I've hired to help with dad also have other families they work for. Sometimes I hire one to stay overnight if dad had a bad night before with dementia, didn't sleep and I didn't sleep either. If he has a calm night and sleeps or just lays there and talks all night as if he were at work, I don't have any problem with them falling a sleep for awhile, no harm done. If dad has any kind of outburst it wakes me up anyway (can't help it), and I can here the nurse helping him at his side. Caregiving is a hard job, whether by family or as an employee, plus these nurses have families of their own. Find out what your nurse did on her previous shift or at home, was she up all night, did she just work an 8 hour shift before coming to your home? If so, this might explain the naps besides from being bored. If they're over worked hire one that strictly works for your family. I like to know who's working in my home, I talk to them, get to know them, it helps.

They should not be sleeping when being paid to caregive on a set hour. When I do my shift with father on the weekends, I have my books, my kindle and my laptop. If I get bored with the book, I play games on the kindle. Or I use the laptop to read here. Or flip thru the TV channels trying to find something interesting to watch. Almost all the paid caregivers I hired, father complained that they slept for over an hour. He said that I shouldn't pay for the time they were sleeping.

When I do get really tired and need to sleep, I do a power nap. I even have my cell phones set to ring for 15 minutes later. That's a short enough nap to prevent me from going into deep sleep but enough time time to energize me.

Don't be too hard on yourself, lacymae. We do the best we can with what we have and know and what we learn along the way. With Alz./dementia, it is a different story/song every day and you can't always know everything about a given situation. Things change from minute to minute; be good to yourself and give yourself permission to have peace and calm about your situation. God knows how it is/was for you. Blessings.

It is not ok to sleep! I was in your position and now realize that you can't be too careful in managing the care of your loved one. Put cameras in the house, make sure all the caregivers know CPR are just a few things. I now regret some things I let slip by and believe me, I regret it and it's too late.

Bless you, Angelhouse. I would have probably sprinkled water on her face until she awakened. Sad and scary story and unfortunately our loved one is the one who is in peril. hugs to you for taking on the elderly with Alz./Dementia, as I've said before, "caregiving is not for sissies".

THAT is more than a NAP...that is OUT COLD...who would blame you for that!!!!

I have a small care home in Florida, and we occasionally have someone on Hospice services. They send aides and nurses regularly, but when the person is ill or in case of a fall or some sharp decline, they will put them on crisis care, with aides or nurses around the clock, 8 am to 8 pm and then another one 8 pm to 8 am.
On one such occasion, I stayed over at the home sure enough, the night nurse was in Pat's room.... When I awoke to the sound of Pat's walker in the hall!
Now, I'm in the Living room of my own ALF home, so I'm comfortable. The nurse is being paid more per hour by far than I make as the owner, by the Hospice agency/Medicare, and she is the Night nurse, supposedly there to Watch Over the patient, take notes, be there Whatever she needs. Pat's no shrinking violet, so knowing her, I imagine she did call out to the lady before getting up and going on her own to the bathroom next to her bedroom.
I immediately knew the sound of Pat's walker and her labored breathing and I Ran down the hall.
Smiling, I put my arm around my dear friend's shoulder, and said, "You should call the nurse, that's what she's there for, but let me help you." Then I paused long enough to identify the sound of loud snoring from the room...
Pat shook her silver curls, smiled back at me, "Bless your heart, sweetie, you know me... I practically hollered at that woman, but she's out cold." After I got Pat seated on the commode, I said, "I'll give you a minute, while I go apply cold water", which brought a chuckle. Shaking her head, Pat murmured, "Honey, you know you're All Bark and No Bite!"
I went into the room and here was the nurse in the comfy recliner, light on, mouth open, snoring loudly. "Miss!, Excuse me, Hello, Nurse!" I too practically shouted at this woman, and she slept on. Finally I shook her knee, no response and again both called out to her And shook her knee. She sat up and said, "Oh, she's ok, she's asleep..." Her gaze shifted to the bed, and she said, "Oh, where is she?! She crept out silently." Sure she did....
I didn't scold but said I thought the agency told me the night person would be awake. The next day I called them and said please do not send back the person from last night.
And as for anyone not being conscious, I always watch what is said in their proximity. I've seen many an agency caregiver and even nurses, talking about a person with dementia right in front of them, and that's rude.
I agree with those who say the caregiver there only 8 hours, should probably do some quiet chores in another room, or at least put music on to soothe your mom (music does So Much for those with dementia/Alzheimer's) and if she is there with mom, and it's boring, do bring a book, pay bills on her laptop, whatever it takes to while away time if she can't be productive during that time.
That's what I'd do

I don't know of anyone that works 8 hours, though that doesn't get a lunch break and 2 15 min. breaks. Even nurses get breaks.

I am not hard to wake up, so that is where I am coming from. If a caregiver is asleep for hours, that is a different story. I take care of my granddaughter. I sleep when she does.

I generally stay awake,unless is an overnite.Even then tho,I try to stay awake,but you can generally tell the expectation of the client by the couch and the bedding that might or might NOT be laid out.Dont go to the bosses first.They have no idea what its like to do the work,usually.If you trust your caregiver,then trust them all the way.I wouldnt be too happy w/someone who makes it a habit,and especially during the day.Talk to THEM about it! Good topic!

Good caregivers are hard to find. If you have some that are doing their chores and taking care of Mom and her needs as she requires, definitely talk to the caregiver first about the napping. My own step son fell asleep while supposedly sitting with his Dad and that was for a 2 hour stint while his wife sat there and watched them both sleep. Later chastising her husband for sleeping. I never left the house when they were here, but was always in another room doing something. One suggestion might be to break the time between the caregivers to a 4 hour shift each, but ask them first. 8 hours is a long time for anyone, yes, people work 8 hour shifts all the time, but from my own experience, 8 hours of sitting and watching can be quite unstimulating for anyone. Knitting, crocheting, watching TV quietly or whatever should be options after the work is done or when Mom is napping. Bless all the wonderful caregivers everywhere - you are angels in disguise and it is not an easy job no matter how much you are paid. I would not be "dropping in" on them - that is a sign of not trusting, however you can call and see how things are going if you're concerned. There has to be an element of trust between you all - the bottom line is this: If Mom is comfortable with them and they respect her wishes at all times and are kind and compassionate, I would not rock the boat. As I said in the beginning: good caregivers are hard to find and I would tread lightly if you have good ones, but speak to them directly first if you or Mom are concerned and this becomes an issue. Caregiving is not for sissies.

SB, yes white noise of some kind would be good. You can even buy little noise generating devises that make ocean waves, birds chirping and all sorts of things.
A humidifier makes quite a bit of noise and is beneficial in what are often overly heated rooms, for the elders. A fan in summer.
My mother sleeps with her T.V. turned up to 11, so nothing bothers HER. Drives me to distraction, but oh well.

Good grief - some of the comments about "an 8-hr shift" as tho it's 80 hrs! Would
you expect an employee working an 8-hr shift at a bank or a retail store to fall asleep during the day? If they know your Mom naps a lot, they should bring along something to read or work on when she does sleep, but for heavens sake, stay awake while doing it! We've had helpers with my Mom for 3 yrs. now, and one "nods off" a lot - to the point we've had to nearly shout to wake her, as Mom has gotten up and tried to walk by herself. Obviously, we've never left this one alone with her! Mom has Alzheimer's and doesn't remember she's in her own house, so my sister and I are there (from out of town) on a "rotation" basis to keep the household stuff going (groceries, cooking meals, laundry, etc). We have caregivers for Mom so we can do that as well as errands outside the house, but need to know they're alert and watchful, since Mom can't walk on her own, but will try to stand up and go. All we need is another fall and hip break and we're back to square one of a long journey bringing Mom back from rehab, then, when pneumonia developed, assisted care (where she dropped from 130 down to 90 lbs.), and back home, where we've worked to get her back up to 118 lbs with the help and attentive care of 2 wonderful caregivers (of our 3 - the "sleeper," who's about to be dismissed, as last week I walked into the den from the laundry room and found her asleep and my Mom not in the room with her!!) A little panic could help you make your decision!

I am a care giver and feel it all depends on mom and/or the family. I've had some moms get very upset if I stay in the room with them. Then, there are those that don't want me to leave their side. Some mom's wait till you sleep then try to get up and get around to do things they shouldn't... like walk. It's an iffy subject. I have slept and it's been okay because the family provided a baby monitor so mom could be heard or I've slept in a chair next to the bed. Everybody is different and their needs are the same. Listen with your experience and your heart. For the family, if you prefer the caregiver to remain awake, tell them. They won't get upset and if they do, you have the wrong caregiver.

I agree with ladeem, I also have taken care of people in home. There is just so much you can do before you go out of your mind. my sister in law was a full time care giver who worked for a fine man, he did not mind that she had crafts while his mother sat all day watching TV and sleeping off and on. if you are happy with this person and trust that they are not doing any harm, than keep the communication open and it will all work out from there. We care givers are also human, I don't care how professional people say the are they are still human. If you don't want to do it yourself don't expect it to be perfect from someone else. I take care of my 96 year old mother and it's not easy, so hats off to anyone that gets paid peanuts for doing it, the money never out weighs the effort. talk to your give giver, treat them like family instead of hired help and you may see different results, after all you have entrusted them with your mothers life. Good luck love a lot than cry

Caregiving is a hard job and does not pay well. I have two caregivers in addition to myself to take care of mom's (101 years) needs. I treat them with such love and care and even cook gourmet meals to keep them happy every day. If they fall asleep it is fine and I don't even expect them to sit in my mom's room. I want to have them look at it more than a job. One care giver took two buses on her day off to come and see mom when
she had a stroke last month. They are treated like family and they in turn give the loving care that my mom is used to. So be more understanding with your caregivers so they don't have to look over their shoulder. This will give you peace of mind too. Good luck! You are a good daughter to care so much!

They should NEVER sleep, that is not they are paid to do. I have had issues with this in past too.. One girl had fallen asleep with her shoes on the couch which really upset my mom, she felt that since mom has trouble talking she would not be able to tell me. The next time she fell asleep, she hit the tray next to where mom was reclining and knocked water all over her... she did not tell me, just put the blanket in the wash. That was her last day working here.

I think you should do it all yourself..with out a nap..

You said...."But in an 8 hour shift, 7 days a week there is only so much cleaning a person can do. When she's awake they are active with her (we have watchful neighbors). My Mom also gets upset if they disturb her by doing things while she's asleep." There is only so much TV watching and/or reading a person can do before your brain is numb & you fall asleep if you're not "allowed" to do anything else during that time. I would say to cut them a break as long as they aren't sleeping so soundly that your Mom has to wake them up. Sounds like your mother is well cared for.

BUT DEFINITELY--NO SLEEPING!!! I would talk with the agency and let them know about your concerns. From the agency that I have worked with in the past, I have never heard of an employ napping especially during the day time. Diplomatically, call the agency and let them know of your concerns as you are paying for an alert staff person.

My caregivers sleep on tbe job...when my grandma is asleep. It doesn't bother me, but believe me...she lets them know when she's awake!

Eyerishlass, Do you need another job? I live in Georgia and you sound like the care giver I would love to have for my mom. :)

Devil you know is better than the devil you don't know.

As long as she is napping and not in a dead sleep, gets up when your mother calls I say it is ok. What is the difference between napping and doing a activity such as reading, knitting, or watching TV.

If it bothers you to the point of anger, sit her down and let her know there is no napping on the job. Tell them to bring a book.

@TammyAnn - you make a good point. Caregiving is not about running round like you are working in a restaurant. Some of it is just watching someone - standing guard over them as they sleep. And I agree that good caregivers can be difficult to find. But I still stand by my previous answer that they should not sleep on the job. Blessings to you!

There are obviously many sides to this story. The first priority of a paid caregiver is the patient. Here the mother is bothered by finding the help asleep so it has to stop. She is not performing other assigned duties and seeking places in the house away from her charge to sleep undisturbed and I stress sleep not nap. In my original post I assumed these were late nights or overnights when anyone may occasionally fall asleep. This caregiver clearly is planning her sleep periods so she needs a reality check or find a new job. This has now become a totally unacceptable situation. I think it is also important to point out that the huge hourly rate clients pay to an agency are not the amounts the caregiver receives

Well i seen this and i am a PCT, CNA. i do private work and agency, i ted top be more drawn to private cases more rewarding and feel like i am needed by the family. I have rested when my clients were sleeping but never fell asleep, i do sew and crochet remember we are coming in the home setting not a restaurant to run non stop. I do sll the requirements fot the personal care, however at times the client feels because we are paid we are to continually be at work. All of private cases the family has made me feel so welcome so loved which is why i am a caregiver. Agencys tend to just place a person on a case..All cases are different as each individual is different the bottom line is try ro make all feel trusted and welcomed if this is something thats seems to bother which i feel it is , or you would not have written in to this sit the caregiver with the member whom is being cared for and discuss it, bringing the agency into it they are quick to change the caregiver,I have sat many hours overnite in hospitals, and nursing homes i can tell you its not easy not to rest when my client was resting.My question to you is if they are trusted and doing a gopod job and showing the care so desired by your loved one then why worry... i hope all works out for you and your family A GOOD CAREGIVER COMES FEW AND FAR BETWEEN

One of my Mom's caregivers works all night at another job and then comes to my Mom's and works a 12 hour shift -7a-7p. I didn't know this at first but she shared the info with another family member. I wasn't going to say anything but I was finding her napping alot when I was over there (dozes off sitting in chair) and then Mom told me that she doesn't say much to her anymore. She is probably trying to stay up 20-24 hours to work this shift. After pondering it and observing the difference between her demeanor and the other caregivers I called the agency. I work in a hospital and we don't allow greater than 16 hour shifts-it's not safe so I had to let them know. I want my Mom's caregivers to be engaging and help her throughout the day maintain a routine. At night, if they aren't liveins ,I have no problem with napping as long as they are listening out for Mom. During the day they need to be interacting with their client or doing something quietly productive. Not all chores are noisey or distracting. If something bothers you address it and change it , you are spending a lot of money providing that care.

You are paying these people to care for your mother. People get fired for sleeping on the job - that is what they are doing. You have every right to be upset and report them to their agency. What if your mother falls out of bed while they are sleeping? I have personally had this happen in facilities where the family hired a caregiver to sit with their loved one at the assisted living! The caregivers need to keep themselves awake by reading or needlework or being on their computer or anything! Their responsibility is to watch over your mother and they cannot do this if they are asleep. Geez, a job where I can get paid to sleep? Sign me up!

I can understand being annoyed finding an employee sleeping on the job. However, if the caregiver makes noise, your mother gets upset. If the caregiver sleeps, your mother gets upset. It sounds as if she is going to be upset either way. Perhaps the three of you can reach a compromise agreeable to all; schedule regular "work" periods where the caregiver can prepare food, clean, do whatever s/he is supposed to do in addition to just being there. Structure can be helpful for your mother and once she becomes accustomed to the routine, the noise will be less troublesome - it will become the breathing pattern of the house. Another compromise would be getting your mother to wear headphones when she naps - perhaps she has a favorite radio station whose music would cancel out any noise the caregiver may make.

Regarding the caregiver sleeping on the job. It would be MY preference if they did not. But to be realistic, there's a likelihood the caregivers may be working more than one job to make ends meet and if they've accomplished the tasks for their shift and your mother is napping herself, I don't really see the harm in it. In exchange for being allowed to nap when your mother is napping, perhaps the caregiver would be agreeable to your mother ringing a bell if she awakens and needs assistance.

Most importantly, YOU have to accept the fact that you are doing the best you can for your mother. We all want an ideal situation for those we love and when things don't go perfectly, the feelings of frustration, confusion, and guilt are natural.

I would talk to them because that can be dangerous , you never know when your mom may wake up and might not be to lucid . but some with Alzheimer still know how to in their own word " sneak past the gastpo if they are asleep. " it is against the policy of the agencies for their caregivers to nap on the job because they are getting paid good and well if they are not doing anything they should not be getting paid.