My husband has dementia ( labeled severe) but is functional when out for periods of time.( perhaps Showtimers).Lately he has tried to make arrangements for dinner/ lunches with former co workers. There is always some excuse for them not to oblige. Any suggestions how to handle this with him. He’d be heartbroken to think he’s this bad. His coworkers were always his real friends and they do know of his condition now. He did not display any symptoms while they worked together.And , then, again, I don’t feel comfortable with any excuses when he asks me… We would attend dinners together, so I would be a buffer.Advice???
I think your idea of you going with him and friends is a good idea. Find a place that has a quiet area, away from the hustle and bustle. Order quickly. Once everyone is done, then leave. My Mom was ready to come home after an hour.
Many people with dementia can't handle busy or complicated social situations any more... often their behavior worsens after such events because it's too much for them.
I agree that maybe you test the waters by hosting an informal get-together with him and the co-workers. Are you sure he can carry on a reasonable conversation? My Mom used to start talking about horrific things she saw on the news -- not really the stuff that makes people want to be around her. Did she like being around those friends and neighbors? Sure. Did they enjoy having to be a captive audience listening to her go on and on in her fear-base topics? Nope -- and neither do I. When she starts in and I can 't get her off topic I just walk out but guests don't have that ability. It's painful to reach this point and my Mom does have 2 sweet (and also elderly) neighbors who know how to deal with her. But others won't know what to do and it will be awkward for them.
Maybe meet out in a restaurant or party room and prep the guests in advance so they know what to expect of his behaviors, limitations and how to make the best of it all.
Maybe you take this on and you call one or two of his friends and say why don't you come over "Bill" and I would love to have you for lunch next Saturday.
Getting together for the holidays is a great reason to gather sometimes people with dementia have problems with large noisy groups so you could even plan an "open house" so people can come and go over the course of a few hours.
Others have mentioned Covid and flu season, so I'll chime in here with cautions. There's credible research and information about Covid and its effect on cognitive decline. This is why my DH and I avoided being in groups of people we don't know after his diagnosis of dementia. We were vaxed and careful and never got Covid or flu (he declined anyway as was expected, but at least we know it wasn't because of anything we did, like get Covid).
Other people we know personally weren't so careful and contracted Covid. The decline in cognition was observable. One's brain fog never lifted and was diagnosed with long Covid, so he's checked into a continuum of care facility where he will move to assisted living and then memory care when necessary. Another friend (my best friend's husband) had no cognitive issues before he had Covid but has now deteriorated markedly cognition-wise and can no longer golf twice a week and go to the gym three times a week. They don't know if that's because of Covid, but he was in the hospital with it for weeks and his heart was affected by the disease, according to his doctors. I know others with similar issues after Covid, some now dead.
My point is that people with dementia or MCI should not be exposed to Covid, yet few people take precautions even though 'tis the season. I suggest that if you and husband want to see these people, you invite them to socialize at your house. Issue the invitation with a warning: "We'd love to see you, but please don't attend if you don't feel well, have been sick with a respiratory illness within the last — weeks, or have been around anyone who has been or is sick with same."
I'm sure that if you try, you can put together a workable lunch or dinner group in your home. Not just any group, but people who wish to protect each other.
Plus I'd choose lunch as the best time because it doesn't have to include alcohol, which is also bad for those with dementia. Lunch doesn't have to be fancy - just soup and/or sandwiches. Afterward, everyone goes home for a nap.
Frankly, since Covid, our social groups have broken up. We used to have activities going over to someone’s house at least 2-3 times a month. Now it’s nothing and half of our group got divorced.