My ninety year old mother has recently moved to assisted living in our community. She has insisted on living in her own home since she started with memory and thinking issues (about 10 year ago). For the last 6 years, I have been retired and majorly in charge of her life and home and cat. I have employed part time caregiver help the last 3 years. She has gotten worse in spite of all help. I also feel she is depressed. We tried meds and she can't tolerate them. Two months ago she suggested going to a local AL because her good friend was moving there. I jumped on the opportunity and pushed forward with plans. Within 3 days she forgot she initiated it and starting saying I was putting her there. Still I persevered. She moved in and even though her friend was there for her, she became enraged with her situation. Never acting out to the staff but saying to her friends that I wanted her money and her home, calling my lawyer to change her will and making every person in our small family cringe. I employed a geriatric manager to help me and to evaluate her. He confirmed her drs diagnosis and started making care suggestions. She continued to escalate, won't participate in activities, call my daughters demanding visits, calls her friends insisting that they visit. She has walked to her home (short walk) and smashed out a window to gain access to her sunroom and is generally out of control. I can't not be in her presence because she gets in a rage saying I ruined her life and she wishes me dead. I am horrified and she keeps making vague suicide threats to the staff of the AL. She insists that I hire staff around the clock and keep her in her home. Reasons I don't think its a good idea are lack of in home caregivers in my area, it would use up her money too fast ( my FIL is 98) and last but not least, in home health care is unreliable and would demand my daily involvement and I can't do it any longer. I am 66 and have been caregiving for my various family members for 13 years. What feedback can you give me for my decisions? I see many examples on the site of people who are giving up their whole lives for a family member, but I can't do it. I am thoroughy burned out. I can't give everything to my mother and have nothing left for my husband, children and grandchildren or me..