I have been forced to take care of my Dad (87), is there any help I can get?

Are both dad and partner liveing with you now?

jfishe- not to be mean...but when I read your post it makes me cringe. No one asks to be conceived and born. The decision is made for them by one or both parents. Being that the parents made this choice and societal law - a parent is then obligated to care for their child for their first 18 years. There is no law or rule that this same child is therefore obligated to do this "service" for their aging parent. Sure - it would be great if every adult child wanted to, was finanically, physically and mentally able to but not everyone can - and they should not be made to feel less of a person for making this decision.

Not to be mean...but when I read you were "forced" to take care of your Dad I cringed. I am a parent who ungrudging took in my adult daughter when her partner broke her heart. I gave her a refuge as I did the first 21 years of her life. Who gave you refuge the first 18 or so years of your life? I am guessing your Dad. Can you not do him the service in his time of need that he did for you in yours. My siblings moved in to my Dad's home to care for him when he declined in health. He since passed away, but they applied for whatever services were available for the elderly and footed the bills for expenses, used his social security and pension to provide care for him because it's what he did for them. Maybe there is more to your story, but reading your question was a little disheartening as a parent hoping her children won't take care of me grudgingly should the need arise.

You didn't say if your dad's partner is male or female, not that it matters since they were not married. Did your dad serve in the armed forces? If so, he could qualify for aid and assistance from the VA. Does he need full time care, part time care, or doesn't need a caregiver? Does he just need a place to live and no care-giving? There's visiting nurse services, meals on wheels and more assistance for seniors. I'm assuming your dad paid in Social Security so he gets medicare and some social security? Do you want him to live with you?

Contact your Area of ageing in your area. They will assist you with a aide to help your father.

If Dad is not gojng to live with you, do not have his mail forwarded to your home. Get him a P. O. Box-you keeping a key to help him. And a storage unit for his belongings. Any guest can become a squatter, a renter with rights subject to fair housing laws, eviction required.

I am suggesting solutions for the worst case scenario-not to imply that is your father's issues, but it may help others to know this.

Freg.Flyer,
As it so often happens with new posters-we try to help, are standing by, but they either forget, cannot find their post, do not feel any reciprocal obligation or thanks, or may be embarrassed to have to answer too many more questions.
Some are even offended.

We hope the best outcome, and would welcome them to the forum.

But it is okay. Some posters will add their comments in general.

One idea that I have thought of: Get control of any social security funds or SSI income right away by taking Dad down to the Social Security Office. There may be a rep. payee (the partner?) and these funds may go to an account that Dad is not aware of, or remembers. Or their monies may have been co-mingled and in a mess.

Be sure, as a condition for helping Dad, that he assigns you as rep-payee to receive and distribute his money-age 87 is not too early if he cannot take care of himself. Go right away-with any retirement income-it can be limited and you don't want to be forced to also support him financially.

I noticed that the original writer Big31313 hasn't been back since writing the original question 5 days ago. He or she might have left the building or is too busy to write back.

Like others mentioned here, we need more information better understanding to what's going on. I would start by finding out a little more about the partner and why your dad left. Like someone mentioned here, it may be that the partner is also pretty old and unable to care for anyone else let alone themselves. I would definitely alert the APS to what happen when you discover what happened. Explain to them that you had your dad show up if that's what happened. If you're not able to take care of him, explain this in your report. If you explain your own situation especially if you can't take him in, this will pressure someone to get the ball rolling very fast. This is a homeless senior, and I'm sure there are agencies out there that would help him.

Someone else mentioned checking to see if your dad has a savings. That would be a very good start toward hiring some help for your dad and getting him into some kind of placement. If he has no money, you may want to see if you can get him some kind of federal benefits like Social Security. If he's getting Social Security then he's most likely eligible for Medicaid or Medicare.

* If your dad has any belongings in this partner's house, definitely go get them back and return them even if it means taking a cop with you. Don't back down until everything belonging to your dad is out of that house.

Dad cannot take care of himself, he is 87. Has no place to go.
Place him in a board and care home, suitable to his needs.
If he is a veteran, they can help.

If not, SSI and Medicaid can help.

Sorry but there are reasons - many justifiable - why someone was kicked out.
Anyone taking someone else in should carefully consider the consequences.
Do you know (from the partner's perspective) why such a cold action was taken against your Dad?

Let me know, please, because I feel that I am about to kick my husband to the curb any minute now, and I would hate to be judged as cold!

Wait! Phoenix was right, we need more information. Was your Dad and his 40 year partner kicked out of their home? Or, did just Dad get kicked out?

Do you know why he was kicked out and didn't just move out? Everyone may have hard times, but you are not obligated to caregive. Just see to it he gets a place to go. Can you manage that? My sympathies for your dilemma.

Could be the partner is also pretty old and just worn out. I'd investigate that, you have some 85 yo woman saddled with a FT caregiving project---not to sound callous, but that's what it sounds like. She's (or he, I don't know) is probably not capable of the care anymore.

You don't seem terribly involved (no judgment here, just an observation) maybe it's time to step up and help out. If the relationship is past saving, then find help for your dad in your home. He has to have some money, and Medicare does pay for some in-home care. Does he NEED 24/7, or could you get by with a 3 times a week caregiver that's not you? Too many unknowns for us to jump in and make many good suggestions.

I'm sorry about your Dad. So, his girlfriend kicked him out of the house? Who's house is it? That is a very cold thing to do, maybe you could help him move back in, talk to her, figure out a way. Good luck.

We need to know if your father has insurance, Medicare, Medicaid or what?
Does he own property? Does he have financial nest egg?
Maybe we can give some ideas.

We need to know if your father has insurance, Medicare, Medicaid or what?
Does he own property? Does he have financial nest egg?
Maybe we can give some ideas.

I think we need to know a lot more here like who threw your Dad out of what type of hime and is his partner 40 years old or has his partner been with him for 40 years? And why isn't his partner looking after him.....whatever the circumstances YOU DONT HAVE to do the caregiving. get that forced to notion right out of your head - no-one can force this on you so don't let them

Who forced you to care for Dad? How old are you? You have your life to live. Find another place for Dad. How long has he been with you? What are his illnesses? Are you wanting payment? Most family caregivers are not paid. Some receive stipends through Medicaid or Veteran's Association. Is dad a vet? Call the VA or the Area Agency on Aging to identify resources in your area.

Your Dad can hire help from caregiving Agencies. I had to do that for my own Dad who was also somewhat mobile but needed help around the house, like someone getting his meals, doing his laundry, light housekeeping.