I'm one of several friends care giving for a senior woman age 87 that I'll call Carol. My role has been primarily as one of the POA's for healthcare and one of 2 POA's for her finances. I am also the co-executor of her will. I am not related to her by blood. She has distant relatives living in another part of the country who have not been a part of her life for more than 50 years up until recently has had not contact with them. My primary role in her care for the last 10 years has merely been executive and also friendship related. We go out to lunch or dinner together several times a month but other than that, I do not assist her in any way in her daily living. She currently lives in her owned home where she has resided for 42 years. She has repeatedly expressed to me that her goal is to remain in her home until death. She has four friends who have, over the years, just appeared and started doing things for her around her house. She didn't ask them to do anything but they just volunteered. One of her friends is the co-executor with me and also has POA for finance and health too. This woman is 80 years old and Carol's neighbor. She is on Carol's checking account and helps her pays bills. For many years she cleaned Carol's house and was paid for this service but she gave that up a few years back. Although I do have financial POA I have no knowledge, other than the disbursment of funds via the will, of her financial position and am not listed on any of Carol's bank accounts, nor do I want this responsibility. I am happy to help if Carol becomes incapacitated but until that happens, I am content with my role of friend. Another friend, Pat, began coming over to Carol's house a few years ago and started at first in the role of a friend as well. She was just going to lunch and dinner with her occasionally like I do. However, Pat, over the years has become obsessed with Carol and slowly over time began going to all her doctors appointments with her, visiting her home several times a day, cleaning her home, changing her sheets, taking out her garbage and many other household functions. Carol never requested that Pat do these things but she just began doing them on her own over time as she determined that she thought Carol needed this type of assistance. Carol has two other friends who come over and help her with outside chores around her home. They are paid for their services when they help, but they are also friends that socialize with Carol too. I have heard from the other caregivers that these people have borrowed money from Carol on repeated occasions but I have no first hand knowledge of this, nor do I care who Carol gives money to. (She has substantial asserts, I hear from the other financial POA who helps her pay bills and make deposits. This gives you a brief background of the situation. Note, that not one of these people is related by blood nor do any have Gardianship of Carol.
In the couple of years, it has been repeatedly brought to my attention that Carol is drinking heavily both at home and at bars and driving her vehicle while intoxicated. She has fallen now on several occasions and even had to have brain surgery to alleviate a brain bleed caused by a drunken fall. She has had two car wrecks but was never charged with DUI. She's had repeated hospitalizations for low blood count and the doctors believe it is associated with her liver function. Each time, after she is released from the hospital, she is sent to a rehabilitation center for several weeks for physical rehab. Her walking is slow and labored but she does walk with a cane and gets around. Social services has visited her home and found it to be safe. Although the social worker at the rehab center and all her other caregivers believe that she is no longer able to care for herself in her home, the rehab center always releases her back to her home and Carol refuses in home care and refuses to consider assisted living alternatives.
This one friend, Pat, who literally does everything for her including bring in her mail, pick up her prescriptions, grocery shop, laundry, cleaning, attending doctor visits etc, is beside herself with anxiety. She calls me incessantly demanding that I force Carol into assisted living. I have tried to explain to her over and over again that I am not Carol's guardian and do not have that authority. Nevertheless she persists in hounding me about this issue. I've asked her to stop doing all the things she does for Carol so that Carol will be forced to pay for those services and may change her mind about assisted living but Pat will not stop enabling Carol no matter what I say. The caregivers all want to see Carol in assisted living. How can I get through to this woman that I cannot force Carol into assisted living? She thinks because I am POA I can do it. (She never bothers the other POA) She thinks I just want to avoid doing "what's right", but I can't help Carol until she stops enabling.