My husband has Alzheimer’s and doesn’t want to eat. Should I force him to eat??
Asked by Reba
Answers 1 to 10 of 46
Best of luck to you on your journey as caregiver to your husband-and whatever does happen-TRY to get as much support as possible- A great place to start is with the Alzheimer's Association...
I have been thru this journey as well-and in my case it was with my Mom--I shortly after formed my own caregivers group on line-and now I give back all the great suggestions that I have learned. You may feel isolated and alone--but this forum is an example of all the caring people out there.
Hap
My dad would only drink chocolate milk (or ensure) for most of the last year or two he lived. My husband's grandmother, though she did not have AD always wanted my father-in-law to bring her Yahoos for several months before she died and goobled up the box of chocolates I brought on our very last visit before she died a couple weeks later. I took care of my mother who had a brain tumor and we went through some eating issues, too. I am now a mother to a 3 year old and some days it is very similar. But as with a small child, they do not always need as much to eat as they did before especially if they are terminal and as their body shuts down. It could also be about control issues, just as it can be with a small child. Whatever the reason, it is very difficult to watch because as a caregiver, we feel nourishment is a big reflection on our ability to nurture our loved one.
I would suggest until the doctor can rule out other causes and give more direction, to try some ensure shakes and smoothies.
Best regards,
Kitty
The entire situation is not good at best. But perhaps accepting matters-quietly and peacefully will be of some help..once again try the website--the alzheimer's spouce...I strongly suggest this.
Best to you - your family- and your husband.
Hap
I am so sorry you are going through this and your husband, too. I can hear that you feel the fact he is not eating reflects on what you are doing for your husband and you feel as if once he stops eating there is nothing else you can do for him. Impending death starts seeming more of a reality once someone no longer eats and though you are very distressed to see him as he is right now and you know he will not suffer anymore once he is dead, it is still something you do not want yet. You are still saying good-bye to the husband you knew who is still in his body, but has not really died yet. Loved ones with AD die twice it seems. You are in a state that is so surreal. I believe you will be able to reach a peace and calm about all of this before he dies and he will be at peace, too. It can seem like such a long, never ending journey in the darkness of the night to get to the light of morning, but morning will come.
You seem to be stressed also by your family's opinion about forcing him to eat as if they think you are not doing enough. Hopefully they know that you are doing your best, but may be they too are clinging to hope. Food also seems to come into play when you become a new mother regardless of what you chose to feed your child, someone always has an opinion and tries to give you advice as if you could not know what is best. But just as a new mother needs to have confidence in her own abilities and allow others to know that you are the one deciding what is best because you know your child best, you need confidence caring for your husband, too.
Has your family been helping you to take care of your husband and giving you some respite? May be you should ask them when is the best time for them to come over and feed him (or watch him so you can rest) and then give them a few meal times. Don't ask if they can, but when should you expect them. They will either agree to help or they will back down.
There is so much more you do for him than just feed him. You know the list better than anyone. But the most important thing you do is just being there for him and holding his hand (when you can), even if you don't think he is aware - this is more important than all the physical elements of care you might do for him. That connection you have that will not be broken due to his mental state is there. You are doing the best you can. You are a wonderful person for doing what you are doing. Please know that. But also please make sure you are getting support and help and taking care of yourself, too.
Best regards,
Kitty