By clicking
Talk to a Specialist, you agree to our
Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our
Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
I was a Hospice nurse for ten years and can only support you in everything you are doing.
The body knows what it is doing and for the information of others. People do not deliberately starve themselves to death.
If you can keep the mouth clean and moist. Dentures should be well fitting, in or out don't make a fight of it. Quality not quantity is most import in the last stage of life. Leave a little snack of a favorite food at the bedside or chairside, something dry and unwrapped so it's easy to reach.
As far as bathing and hygiene are concerned no one needs to bathe every day so if your loved one resists get help and force it once a week if that does not cause obvious distress, otherwise sneak it in. For example a back rub can be very relaxing , but before you start that massage a good wash down of that area can be snuck in. To shave or not to shave does it really matter, yes if Santa Clause is rubbing his food in it and you find maggots! The one area that must have regular attention is the genital area which is especially important if there is any incontinence. Never mind the smell it is the rashes, bedsores and infection that need to be prevented. Try and maintain a regular bowel regime with diet and medication and potty train just like a baby.Keep a commode at the bedside.
For those who have a senior who messes in inappropriate places, many times it is out of misplaced resentment and the only thing to do to make like easier is to make a room where everything is easily cleaned and sanitized. Just move the good furniture and carpet out for the duration. Those saintly people who provide care in their homes for mentally disabled clients furnish their homes this way so accidents are quickly clean and nothing is ruined.
I hope this can help some caregivers and remember if you are doing your best that is always good enough. Kindest thoughts
Veronica
Both my parents have dementia, maybe with alzheimers, the docs really aren't sure about mom.
My mom will eat 10 meals a day 'cuz she's so afraid she will forget to eat. My dad won't eat all.
My sister and I stay with them at ll times, we split shifts.
We are just now talking about nringing hospice in. As for the rest of your family members...to heck with them. I know most of our family members really don't know just how sick my parents are 'cuz they don't spend enough time with them to understand it.
I thnak God for my sister, cuz at least she gets it and we can talk about what to do next. We ignore the rest of the family. Unless they want to come on and help, they know squat.
Its none of their business.
God bless you too.
You are right. There is not anything to stop the progression of AD but death. You are doing a great job. I agree with Lilli, feed him what he will eat and keep him comfortable. When diagnosed at 71, my mother's wishes were to remain in here home of 48 years. 12 years later she is still there. When the time comes for God to call her home I hope I have the wisdom and strength you are showing during your husband late stage of his journey. You know what your husband would want and your posts show a great understanding of what is to come. God Bless.
Everyone who writes to me talk about everything except the family pushing me to make him eat. I don't have any problems other than what I have listed. He is a person with AD all that I have listed is what happens to them. I have been doing this for 6 years. Its the family I am having problems with about him not eating. It is part of the disease I tell them. I worked in a hospital with sick people and I know what I am doing. Nothing is new to me, except it is my husband. He is still walking and I have all the equipment I need. His meds? He has to have yhem, they are for his high blood pressure. He has been taking them for 40 years or more.
If you look up AD it will tell you they come to a time when they stop eating. The only thing left to do is tube feeding and that will not happen. His life is gone and he is just alive in body only. What kind of a life is that. He sees the doctor every two to three mos. There is nothing you can do for him at this stage of AD. My doctor knows everything that is going on with him. I do what he tells me. Thanks for your thoughts.
So back to your orgininal question. Do not force your Dad to eat. Give him nourishment when you can. Make his last days comfortable and tell the family to either back off or welcome him into their homes for a few days to give you respite.
I can sense that you are stretched thin....I wish for you better days to come.
Lilli
You really need to male him see a doctor that deals with the elderly.
My mother was on blood pressure pills, thyroid pills, as well as I kept her blood sugar monitored and gave her insulin. She even could receive antibiotics for an UTI.
Some patients and their families do not want all of this and do decide to discontinue all meds once electing hospice or even once they have been on a while. But again that should be the patient's or the patient's families decision and not forced on them by the hospice. Most meds are not needed while the patient is actively dying and then would be an appropriate time to stop them, but again the hospice should still respect the patient's and family's wishes.
You have given your husband more quality of care than he would have received even in the best home. I agree with your doctor "God Bless You."
Reba. I am sorry I am so long winded... I just have so much to share and I really do care. I just want to apologize. I did not mean to upset you. You do not need that. Please forgive me.
I am so sorry, but I have lost both of my parents who cared for and 8 babies.
Kitty
As long as my husband eats and he lets us feed him that is what we will do. We had a great marriage and three children. No I don not want him to die. That is the whole problem. I guess you don't understand unless it happens to you.
I think you referred to me as Betty. You also started talking about other things other than just the eating issue, so I assumed that meant there was more on your mind that just the eating issue. Everyone has their own experience and there is no way one person is totally going to understand what another person is going through. But there is some comfort, we can receive from others who are going through some of the same situations. From some of your posts, you really were sounding desperate and like you wanted to end your husbands life. It doesn't mean you literally would act on that impulse, but some people do.
Yes so have personal experience with AD, I have cared for both of my parents, as I said at the same time. Most of that time, I was by myself with very little help. My mother did not have AD, but a brain tumor. I cared for her for a total of 7 years from the start of the initial cancer. My father did have AD. Though both were very sad situations, the AD was for me the hardest. But I still had a spiritual connection to both regardless. I did not say those with AD were 2 years in the same sense, I was talking about the way that I found humor in the situation so I could go on. There are some AD doctors who have used techniques that parents use with small children to lessen their agitation, though. Here is the link to the article if you are interested. http://www.uthscsa.edu/mission/fall98/fading.html
Wishing you all much peace,
Kitty
So my question on here was: Husband has AD. He doesn't want to eat. My family said I should make him. What should I do?
I feed him what ever he will eat. But you can't make a horse drink water and you can't make a person eat if they don't want to.
Something that is so interesting about what you said made it sound like you were dealing with a toddler. Forgive me and I don't mean any offense as I know your husband is still an adult who deserves his dignity and respect, but I saw some humor in the situation. When you wrote that he would not do anything you ask anymore, it did sound like a child. I am not for sure how you dealt with the "terrible twos" as so many refer to them. I personally do not like that term, because they are trying to explore and learn about their world, but so many try to stop them because it is inconvenient and they don't want to deal with the mess. I let my child have the run of the house so to speak - of course child proofed and protected her from danger - but really did not see her behavior as something that I wanted to curb. In many ways, because your husband doesn't know his world anymore, he is constantly trying in someways to explore it and figure out what it is. It is not really the same as a real toddler and is a state of confusion and agitation, but there is some parallel.
When I was taking care of both my parents at the same time, I often said I was caring for an infant (my mom who was totally bedridden and in diapers) and my dad who was a toddler (who could wonder about and get into messes.) It was a way I could lighten and see humor in a very sad situation. This might really be out there, but have you thought about sort of resorting back to how you dealt with raising your children and how you saw their exploration? Did you see it as normal and helped encourage it within safe boundaries or did you see it as a bad behavior that needed their hands smacked? Just as mothers of little children need an endless supply of patience and unconditional love, caregivers need a lot of the same. Parenting is very exhausting (especially when you are older and have health issues of your own like I do) and so is care giving for an adult.
What I am trying to say is that you are under a lot of stress and at your wits end. You have done so much for your husband. Please reach out and try to get more help and take care of yourself. Is nursing home placement an option? I certainly don't have the answers, but I believe you will find your own answers.
Best regards,
Kitty