I'm new to this. I have been listening to my brothers for year. One is clearly "in charge" of dispensive information that the parents want known, he will be Executor, etc... It is clear to me now that they have no desire to rock dad's boat on anything. And dad's behavior is becoming detrimental to our mother.
Our mother is completely physically disabled, but of fairly sound mind. At least as sound as our dad. Our father drags her up to a summer home each year where she has no one to socialize with and no physical therapy for 3-6 months. He works on his projects and she has no outlets while there. It is also a long 2,800 mile drive, round trip. And if there is a health issue for either of them, facilities are limited. God forbid something happen to him because she can barely operate a phone now. I point out these issues and he brushes them off...
My older brothers keep saying that dad is an adult & can do what he wants. But it is clear our mother wants to stop this travel and he is ignoring her wishes and her physical needs. He also refuses anything but free help from local relatives for her in their winter location, even though all his kids have told him not to worry about spending any inheritance. None of us kids live in their part of the country to help. And he has already burned several bridges with our aunts and uncles over his expectations and treatment of them. He also has refused to move near any of his children after years of all us asking.
He has money he can spend, but he seems more concerned with keeping it to influence others through an inheritance...What he wants and his ego seems to be the only thing that matters right now. My brothers keep patting him on the back for being soooo devoted to our mother. But I see a very different picture.
Is there a legal or social way to make him take her opinion into account, stop the traveling and hire help? I doubt I can get information from her doctors. But I'd be interested in what they think of her traveling. Can adult protective services help in this? He is literally acting like she has no right and her opinion no longer matters, even though she seems to have more clear reasoning in this matter than him.