Can we force dad to go to a nursing home?

Hey, I have a question. The VA lawyer (pro bono) told me that Dad, who is 90 years old, has to get the care from the home care agency before getting the VA benefits. Dad seems to be having too much money right now. The problem is he saved money for my future because I am disabled (moderate to severe cerebral palsy).

I know that is impossible for Dad to accept help and pay them out of pocket. He is very protective about keeping his money.

Now, a friend of mine acted so cold in her attitude that she said, I need put Dad in a nursing home if he doesn't accept help at home. This friend who used work at nursing homes. I got miffed at her.

My question is can we force him to go to a nursing home?? I don't think so with he being somewhat competent. Dad is NOT bedridden or in danger to himself and others; then we cannot force to take to nursing home. Am I wrong? The biggest problem is he won’t take a shower (since September), and he won’t let anyone help him taking showers. His bedroom sinks, and full of kleenex on the floor, and dirty throwaway underwear. His clothes had not washed by the laundry yet.

Mom went to the nursing home because she was falling too much, with broken bones, and not being herself anymore.

Please advise

Thank you,
Madtoe