Dad is 84 and has spent 21 of the last 2.5 months in the hospital... Small stroke and then small heart attack. He's two days out of the hospital and, of course, still weak, not eating and adamant that he will be fine when my brother has to leave in 4 days to head back to his Texas home. I am in Arkansas and spent the first 6 weeks with him.

My older brother and sister in law live across the street, but she is in poor health herself and can't help and my brother works and then has his hands full taking care of her. He does check on dad, but that's not the same as living there.

We all feel dads best choice would to be move in with one of us, but he refuses. He also refuses to even consider assisted living or for a stranger to come live in his house. Even his doctors say he should not be living alone right now...

Can we force him somehow? He has a trust and I am POA and Trustee for all matters. Problem is, it's a revokable trust and I'm afraid if I try to force him, he'll simply change the trust and take away my powers to do so.

It's so frustrating, since we only wants what's best for Dad, and we're all afraid he's going to die trying to live alone at this point.

Any suggestions would be helpful. Thanks!


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Thanks Hug. I have been searching for some way to force help on him, but alas, after days of searching I'm afraid you're right that there's no way to force him to accept help. Cutting down on the caregiving is exactly what is going to happen after my younger and brother and sister in law go home. Sadly I'm afraid it's going to be a seriously debilitating event that will have to happen before we can get him to accept the help he needs.
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You can't really force him to accept help, but I suggest you cut down on your caregiving causing him to re-evaluate his situation. At the very least, I suggest you get a medic alert necklace for him to wear and insist he wear it faithfully if he is going to reside by himself. There are several kinds - some will notify a family member and others will notify 911. But if his health continues to decline - you may have to wait until a semi-crisis happens to get him to understand. Good luck!!
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