Boyfriend and younger brother (in 30s) live with their parents on a farm. Boys run the family biz, both parents are alcoholics (60s), and abusive. Old man verbally abuses both sons, telling my own disabled boyfriend to "kill himself" - even on his birthday. Their mother passes out and then plays the guilt trip to whomever will listen. I've lost my patience with both family members, but still get along with the younger 3 of their children. I hear what my guy has to go through everyday, and he feels like he takes his anger and hostility out on me, when I'm trying to be the person he vents to. He has come close to considering doing harm to himself because of what his father has said to him over the past few months. The old man has some sort of statement written into the land trust so that he cannot be forcibly removed from the house. I'm very close to emotionally filing a complaint against him for abuse on a disabled person. I've threatened my boyfriend I was going to do it before on his behalf, but I would like to know what the process is before I drive some rift into his family and potentially my relationship.

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Find Care & Housing
To answer your question directly, Lilyhammer:
The Reporting party phones Adult Protective Services to report.
The police come. Then APS comes. They will confirm that the father has the right to remove sons from his property, and anyone else living there if he so chooses, thereby putting an end to the toxic family dysfunction and abuse;
and any land-grabbing scheme by the sons, if there is one.  The reporting party is often investigated by APS also.  imo.
There is no way for you to maintain relationships after interfering in this way, and it is just as likely that taking this action will lead to ending your relationship with your boyfriend, mostly due to the negatively bonded family dynamics.

Pretty awful, huh?

Sorry, just guessing here since the OP did not yet return.
Helpful Answer (0)

Quoted from another source:

The future is so much like the past and present, only more of it.
Helpful Answer (0)

Both,these MEN are in their 30's, you say.
They RUN the farm, even though one is disabled.
There is some interest in having the father forcibly removed.
The family is dysfunctional.

So many red flags to look at for YOU.
The boyfriend is not available for a relationship.
Is not self-supporting at age 30, living at home, is disabled.
Has allowed you to become hooked into the family dysfunction.
You respond by planning 'rescue' attempts of a 30 y.o. man.
This boyfriend takes his anger out on you, the 'rescuer', or the 'victim'?

Detach for your own safety and health. Take these concerns that I have listed for YOU to your nearest therapist.

Your next words will be an automatic response...I can hear them now....
"Yeah but".....what about my boyfriend?
Answer: Your very own therapist is a mandated reporter. Tell him/her.
Go quickly.
Best advice for YOU.

Sometimes nice is NOT NICE.  Are you living there?  Move out, take boyfriend with you to a better place?  You want better, right?  How do you see this becoming better?  Are you self-supporting?  Are you okay?
Helpful Answer (2)

I have the same question as Countrymouse. Why on earth is he staying there?
Helpful Answer (0)

What prevents your boyfriend from leaving his parents' home?
Helpful Answer (3)

Dear Lily,

I'm so sorry to hear what are going through. I know its a very tough situation. I hope your boyfriend can contact a social worker and get all his options. He might also have to contact an attorney regarding his rights to the land. Maybe he might consider joining AA to get more supports dealing with two parents who are alcoholics. Or considering counseling, talking to a family therapist, or joining a support group. Good of you to support him during this very difficult time.
Helpful Answer (1)

I"d be very careful in such a situation for my own safety. I'd seek advice for myself from an attorney. Your boyfriend might do the same. Does he have a case worker?
Helpful Answer (0)

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter